By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
It sounds like you need to take your mother to a doctor who can test her for dementia. Heart conditions can contribute to vascular dementia, but she needs to see a specialist who can give her a proper diagnosis. There are cases of mixed dementia, as well as people with heart conditions who have other types of dementia. A neurologist should be able to test her to see what can be done to help your mom.
Good luck,
Carol
My mother is very different from yours in her attitudes to doctors - she might be dismissive (!) but I'm grateful that at least she won't refuse to see them. Though having said that there's a big difference as well between agreeing to see them and agreeing to take their advice… :(
Ref your mother's agitation, one thing I did notice alongside a worsening of the LV CHF in around Nov 2011 was that my mother became very depressed, so depressed that even she agreed that she was. Doctor granddaughter, much loved and trusted, persuaded her to try a very low dose antidepressant (Citalopram, ok with heart failure PROVIDED it's kept to a minimum, less than 20mg per day I think) which really did help her - it stops her obsessing about needless worries, round and round, and working herself up about things; it hasn't changed her personality in any significant way. I don't know if this would help.
I know doctors don't like to stray outside their particular specialties, but given your mother's reluctance to see anyone else I really think it's worth asking her cardiologist to step up, here. Your mother can't be his only patient with complex needs, and he can always consult if he's not confident about his skills.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time, it's frightening and upsetting - you want to help but feel your hands are tied, very stressful. Hope some of the above is relevant or helpful, please come back if you'd like to discuss further. Best of luck.
This study has been going on since 1980 at a retirement community in CA and has followed people who are now in their 90s. The findings are astounding.
I believe this is the url that leads to at least part of that study if you're interested. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/20186856
Is she Sundowning? What does she do in the evening? Is she doing anything that might agitate her? I assume that she's not eating foods with caffeine in them that might keep her awake. Does she then sleep all day or is she restless during the day as well?
I think CountryMouse's suggestion of having her cardiologist consult with another doctor is a good idea. He can share his observations and determine if there are any tests he can do (since your mother seems to trust him) to explore his potential diagnosis.
It seems like seeing an unfamiliar doctor or being in an unfamiliar medical surrounding is very traumatic for her, and there could be a variety of reasons. She could be afraid of another dire diagnosis, uncomfortable with the tests, uncomfortable and afraid in new surroundings, lots of reasons.
Wish I could help more but yours is a tough question. Know that you have my sympathy though, and I hope that you can get a good night's sleep tonight!
She is sleeping during the day and up every hour at night to use the restroom. She needs help to get there. She seems to be ok with her schedule :) She is on a water pill. I have already moved that pill up to 5:30 pm after consulting with the cardiologist in an effort to make the night trips less frequent.
More on her condition:
She has a congenital heart defect..leaking valve, hole between chambers, enlarged heart, CHF and stage 4 renal failure due to the meds for the CHF. She has had this congenital defect since birth and has vehemently refused surgery to correct it. The entire family begged and pleaded with her with no success. In the end, it is her body and she has the right to her decision. She is now past the point of having surgery and is in hospice due to the compounded effects of her conditions.
She is very alert on most evenings and sleeps little during the night. She sleeps during the day. She may be sundowning. I am currently looking into hiring someone to be with her in the room in the evening (another aide) at least 3 nights a week. I have tried keeping her occupied during the day in the hopes that it will regulate her clock...but it has not worked. She does not drink caffeine. She has a decent appetite..and many times asks for a meal int middle of the night...She has recently taken to chewing up any solid food and spitting it out on the plate. I cook low sodium, organic meals following the renal and CHF diets and supplement with organic plant based protien shakes. She will eat certain soft foods without spitting them out: eggs on toast, cream of wheat, soups, mac and cheese (she loves the mac and cheese and I have given in to this even though it is off of her diet because she needs to eat and enjoy what she is eating) She seems to have an issue with meat and anything that has a skin on it.
Rather than medicate her and add more toxins to her kidneys...I am feeling like hiring aides and adjusting to her schedule might be the best solution for her. Hospice is wonderful...they have suggested meds for sleep/anxeity as is their course to provide palliative care....however, I am not seeing her in pain or in any angst...she is just off schedule. Everything I have read says that adding these meds can actually do more harm than good.
I know it is a balance..and even though her time here is very limited...I want her to enjoy and be at peace with what time she has left. It is very hard to make decisions that are best for her in that sense. I think for now I will just follow her rhythm and try not to force a change.
I have asked hospice if they will stay with her round the clock...but it does not seem like they provide this care and told me that I would need to hire someone for that. They offer respite care and weekly check ins by the nurse. I think hiring the night aide (one we work out the finances) might be the best solution.
Citalopram is safe for kidneys, by the way; it's one of the EKG intervals it affects, but only in higher doses. But if you feel that your mother's agitation isn't disproportionate or inappropriate, then I'd agree it's better not to add to the drug load. I also admire your respect for your mother's choices. It's easy to respect them when we agree with them! - very much harder when we know they're going to mean bad news.
You're dealing well with an incredibly hard part of the road. Best of luck, I hope things go gently for you - but yes you MUST one way or another get help so you can get uninterrupted sleep or you will be in trouble.
About eight? months ago she was admitted to a geriatric psyche ward because she kept telling the doctors (three times to the ER with this one) that she was 'constipated'.
She wasn't.
Turns out after they tested her, i.e., Montreal Cognitive Assessment, along with MRI's, etc., she diagnosed her with vascular dementia along with paranoia, i.e., she was thinking people were dead, etc.
I guess the point I'm trying to get to is I, too, was hesitant with the meds they wanted to give her. She is now on a small doze of Mirtazapine, Effexor, and Olanzapine. These meds are helping her sleep extremely well where she was not sleeping before. She no longer has 'constipation'; I'm monitoring her diet for her multiple conditions, which include the Stage IV kidney failure, high blood pressure, etc., etc.
She is, however, EXTREMELY AFRAID OF GOING BACK TO ANY DOCTOR, EVEN THE DOCTORS SHE ONCE TRUSTED. I believe this is because of her experience in the 'nursing home' as she calls it.
I don't tell her anymore when she has a doctor's appointment. I know it sounds awful, but when she gets there, the doctor tells her very gently that he/she is not going to place her back where she was, and just does the exam, etc. She's even gotten used to going to see her psychiatrist, which she absolutely refused before.
This is extremely hard and frustrating for both me and I'm sure her. At times I just want to run away. At times, I cry. At times, I yell. I have no one here to help me, family is in another state and I'm the only sibling.
I can only tell you how I handle this. When neighbors and/or relatives call, they say she sounds 'wonderful' but what they aren't really hearing is every time they call, she says the same thing. Never adds anything to anything. And never, ever starts a conversation. This coming week, we are going to meet a new geriatric physician because I've moved her down to my house and we need to have someone who at least knows who she is so when something does happen, there's some sort of familiarity. She also needs monitoring of every condition every three months.
After we go to the doctor's offices, I try to do something good with her, i.e., take her out for a treat that she normally can't have, which she really looks forward to.
The truth of the matter is as we age our bodies are going to fail us no matter how many times they've been put back together and no matter what we do. I'd rather my mother's life be shortened somewhat (and I know, she's nearly 91, so what am I talking about????) than have her worry and lose sleep. A person with dementia really cannot make good decisions. You have to weight the benefits of the medication versus the deterioration of her kidneys and other organs. Once the mind starts to go, I believe it's time to stop worrying about the other organs. If your mother's kidneys go to stage five, is she eligible for kidney transplant. Dialysis is no picnic. I'm sorry if I sound rude, but I'm so tired, I'm trying to look at this logically, not sentimentally, so please forgive me. BTW, I have actually IMPROVED my mother's kidney function and diabetic numbers in the eight months I've had her home to where doctors are absolutely astounded. But it is of little consolation because I see her mind is deteriorating despite the improvement. If she needs sedation of some sort for sleep, for both you and her, just do it. You'll both be happier.
See All Answers