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You could also have allergies now that you didn't have when younger. Try an over the counter allergy med (keep in mind that the ingredients in benedryl can cause drowsiness) if you are not ready to see an ENT yet. If that doesn't work, then why not go see the ENT to figure out what the problem is.
I would definitely figure out the source of the throat clearing before sedating myself with antianxiety meds. Of course, you might also think back on your conversation with the doctor. Perhaps you were sharing info that indicated an anxiety or stress, thus the offer for antianxiety drugs
It's "just" stress, which you don't see the need to treat, and yet you are certain in your own mind that this "nothing" problem is causing your hoarseness.
So if stress can do that to your voice, what's it doing to your heart, respiration, brain, blood pressure, digestion..?
I happen to agree with you about not taking drugs you don't agree you need. But how about considering other ways to relieve the stress, sure as you are that it is now causing physical symptoms?
Bear in mind that although your doctor is happy to investigate, to advise, and to make recommendations, it is you who makes the decisions. Informed consent is the basis of all medical practice. So do not allow yourself to be deterred from seeking either this doctor's or the specialists' expertise by fear of being forced into treatment you don't fancy. It is *always* worth finding out what's going on.
Anti anxiety meds are not appropriate for plain old stress and tension. There are other ways to deal with it that don’t involve medication. If you are interested in finding out about your anxiety levels check out this questionnaire. https://patient.info/doctor/generalised-anxiety-disorder-assessment-gad-7. It is routinely used in the UK to assess levels of anxiety and the answer sometimes surprises people.
If it is tension but not anxiety then Speech and Language support might be helpful. You might mention that to the ENT if you go see them or research it on your own. Having a nasendoscopy should not be all that bad. Unpleasant but then you’ve had smears! Your husband must have had one that was pretty awful to make you so worried. You can ask for some light sedation for it to relax you.
Also something like cognitive behavioural therapy would be useful to help you find ways of dealing with living with someone like your hubby who is controlling and annoying.
Also I wonder about walking. It sounds like you might live in a nice place to walk and it’s a wonderful way to get exercise and stress relief. It would help get you more fit and may help with the weight loss as well.
Good luck!
Get a copy of the Public Servants Questionnaire.
Take a camera with you ( you have a right to a witness ) and have him explain to you why he has a right to violate your rights under international law. If he refuses then inform him he will be up on charges of violating your international rights and a lawsuit.
I am not advising you to do this but it is what I do when encountering dictatorial government public servants ( those working for the government ) and they quickly want to get as far away from me as they can get while leaving me alone when they foolishly attempt to try to abuse my rights under international law.
The doctor can not make you take an anti depressant. If you feel your doctor is not listening to you or will not work with you on better solutions to your situation, then find another doctor.
Good luck.
In any event, what is wrong with simply seeing an ENT? Who's to say that he/she wants to do an invasive procedure? Not all of them are, you know. Some simply involve you drinking something and then having a scan. Why not find out if you have a medical issue. If they decide to do something invasive and it bothers you that much, you can then refuse, but you could at least hear what they have to say. And, as some of the others have said, you are free to decline anything the doc suggests--she can not force you and shouldn't use threats either, but yes, they will put it on record that you refused their advice--and they will use the word refused. Not sure if they do this to cover themselves if you do fall ill, or to help the insurance companies turn down payment of future procedures required for anything that might develop because you didn't follow the advice given. You may want to ask yourself which is worse..taking a med that you may not need, or having procedures performed that for some reason you'd rather avoid. Perhaps you knew someone who had a procedure and did not fare well??? Maybe there is some deep rooted reason for not wanting that type of assistance that you need to sort out??? You might want to discuss that with someone as well. I haven't read the profile but there seem to be personality clashes going on between you and hubby that counseling might help with (but from what I did read, looks like he doesn't want to go that route). Hope things work out for you.
Are you taking any other meds for ANYthing? Some have that side effect of making someone cough/clear their throat. It could be just a stress related habit. It sounds like your MD MAY be too quick to pass you off and is looking for a quick fix. Maybe what you need is to look for a new MD for yourself.
There's also something here that smells: on the one hand she's saying it is a psychological/stress issue and prescribing a drug going down that path...and then she gives you this threat that if you refuse, you get a referral going along the lines that it is physically based. So many of our health systems these days are trolling for business....you have to wonder...and be an advocate for yourself.
And if you stay put...even if you do opt to go to an ENT YOU can say NO to testing and just go for a consult/look and find out what your options are, if YOU want to pursue them.
Good luck with whatever you decide...
I do think, though, that the real issue in your marriage has been a long time in the making. Have you always been subservient to your controlling husband? It would be very difficult for both of you to change that pattern, even if you were both trying to change. Clearly he is not. If your husband has dementia he will not get better. You need to accept the fact that if you are going to continue to care for him you need to become the head of household. You also need to begin taking care of yourself. That is a tall order. You are right that you do need some support in making such big changes.
You mention that your son is now living with you. What is his role in the household? Can you make him your ally in caring for his father? Perhaps he could spend a few hours with his father while you read and have a cup of tea or some other relaxing ritual. Given that he is living in your house it is reasonable to expect him to help out.
At any rate, there are a lot of changes in the relationship with your husband that will have to happen in the next few years. If he has always been in control and you have always let him control you, this will be a rough experience. I would suggest that you begin with just 1 thing that you feel safe to claim as your right and take a stand on it. Keep it small, but make it yours and stick to your guns. If you do not, you will be overwhelmed and the situation will literally drive you crazy. Again, if you can get your son to back you on this, it will help. However, you are the one who is ultimately responsible for yourself. You may want to refuse to answer his demands that you account for every minute of your time. You do not owe him an explanation of why you spent 2 hours shopping for groceries instead of the usual 90 minutes. Simply tell him that "things took longer." Refuse to go beyond that. You also do not owe him an explanation for going into another room, beyond "I had things to do."
Our son is living with us because his marriage failed, he can't hold a job, he's extremely smart and full of ideas but can't follow through on a project from beginning to end. He does handle the household stuff -- plumbing repairs, mowing, clean the roof and gutters, etc. And he is an ally here for me. There was a very bad relationship until a few years ago. I am grateful to have him here.
I agree with others- get the physical throat checked out.
As a teen i had a dr who tried to medicate "my feelings" when i had stress with an abusive mother. - i hear that is a big issue for women. Change doctors if possible, see a nurse practitioner instead ,call around for support service's suggestions.
He demeans and belittles you for staying out to late at grocery- Has he hit you ? If it is verbal abuse only , i found that after 32 years i told him firmly- I am sick of the disrespect. A head of the house is not a master of a slave. I will provide meals and laundry but i will take 3 hours a day for myself. Say it firmly. Be a broken record and just say that over and over ,dont try to justify it.
Get back to that Bible study- you need the support and prayers.
(my spouse had a ogre dad and a "do it all for him" wife so he thought that was the way it should be- how was your husband raised to act this way?)
Prays for you. Know that you have been a gem to care for a unappreciative man.
Please don't feel bad, you are human. My doctor finally just handed me some business cards and said "choose one and go talk with them." Changed my life! I was not ill, I was not crazy, I was just feeling alone and lost. I found a wonderful therapist, who has helped me through the caregiver and now the grieving process. Yes, I talked about everything that entered my mind and she only guided me to my own recovering process.
A therapist is a place you can go that is safe to let out ALL you feelings. And I am sure, like me, there are some that are not a nice as we would like them to be. But that is also OK. We are human. A therapist is a third, Non-judgmental, safe place, person to work through all that is causing our frustration and emotional upheveal. For me it has been and source of validation for all that I have done.
Look for a behavioral therapist that deals mostly with the elderly or people who deal with caregiving. Good luck. God Bless. You are awesome to take on being a caregiver. Do some things that make you feel good -- soaking bath - buy yourself a new blouse, or just find time for a quiet cup of coffee at a coffee shop. A little bit of "me" time. It also helps.
Only you can determine if the the amount of stress is overwhelming or not. Same goes for your husband.
There are many ways to deal with stress that are natural.
Get enough rest, exercise daily, eat healthy and take lots of breaks. I get a massage monthly and have a massage chair. My husband and I go on dates once per week.
If trying to handle the stress naturally and without medication does not work, then, consider a doctor visit. But again, you always have the freedom to say no.
It works too! No drugs.
There are lots of things that you can do to relieve stress that do not include medication but PLEASE do not completely rule that out. You take something if you get a headache, backache you like most of us are on at least 1 or 2 other medications. There is nothing "wrong or shameful" about taking a medication for your stress.
You have been on this forum long enough to know that many times a caregiver will die before the person they are caring for. Part of that is not taking care of themselves! that includes visiting a doctor, submitting to testing and possibly medication. May also include talking to a therapist about the stress and how you are coping day to day.
Your cue might also be from friends..I am guessing when you talk to them and you are on the phone you are at home with your husband there, in your stressful environment and when they see you in person you are out, not at home and I would imagine not in such a stressful place. Home= stress= hoarseness
i would recommend counseling/therapy...AND...
Go see the ENT. If clear, either take the PCP’s recommendation or get a second opinion. Sometimes our bodies need help!!
Stress is the underlying cause of many health problems.
You need to be sure that Your throat is not damage - seeing an ENT is a start