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Also our furnace started dying. We had no humidity in the house. I woke up with a hoarse voice, stuffed up, headache almost every day. Our new furnace lets you adjust the humidity. I dont have that now.
Taking care of a loved one is extremely stressful. You need help and time away to focus on you. A break! Women always put themselves last. And your health is telling you something is wrong. Listen to it.
You might also need to sleep with the window cracked open a bit to allow humidity into the room.
You need to get a handle on your stress. That is not being selfish. That is preserving your sanity. Dont let anyone make you feel guilty about it. Good luck.
You are probably right that it is stress but so is your doctor! Why not try the antidepressants and see how you get on, otherwise you need to change something - which might be better but is not always possible.
Also don't ignore the issue as hoarseness can be a symptom of something else and you may be wise to get checked out. xx
Try to figure out if clearing your throat has just become a habit or tic.
Do you feel drainage before you clear your throat? as it could just be a sinus problem.
Remember, it is your body and your choice and you do not have to take any meds or go to see an ENT.
If you checked out healthy from your Dr visit, if the constant clearing of your throat and staying hoarse doesn't bother you then do nothing.
I think I would tell my Dr that I don't want to take meds and what the worse that could happen be to do nothing.
Then depending on the answer go visit the ENT and get a 2nd opinion or do nothing..
of course you clearing your throat and your husband ducking his teeth are both annoying.
Maybe you started clearing your throat because you were being annoyed by your husband sucking his teeth?
The hoarseness could be due to stress but that is no reason to take anti-anxiety meds when you don't want to take them. Some holistic therapists might say the hoarseness is unexpressed anger and throat chakra issues. It's a bit flaky I know but the concept is worth checking out. I had about 6 weeks of hoarseness with no apparent cause after leaving an abusive partner. It eventually cleared itself but your situation is different.
Your husband's behaviour is abusive but you know that. Is there any way your boomerang son can help? If he is living under your roof he should take some of the stress away from you. I can't understand how a man who is fit enough to play regular golf needs so much care and undivided attention. You definitely need to get advice from a medical professional other than your GP. Fingers crossed the ENT can point you in the right direction.
But please don't neglect your own physical health. You deserve as much diligent care as your husband does. You both are important people.
I have been on Lexapro since 2010. I tried a couple of other medications, but this one has no side effects for me (each person is different).
If you had a severe rash and your doctor said, try the cream twice a day, and if that doesn't work I'm sending you to a dermatologist, would you hesitate to do either one of those things?
And despite a confirmed dx of dementia, tells you that he is not ill, still head of the household and you will do as he says?
You have a very big problem, GG. What does he do if you go against his wishes? Has he always been this controlling?
It doesn’t seem fair to take anti-anxiety medication when you are not the problem! But I will share that I recently started to take some anti-anxiety medication myself due to my own situation taking on the oversight of my mother’s care. I resent needing to take the medication because of a woman that was abusive and neglectful. However I chose to step in because it was the right thing to do.
Taking the medication has helped me to calm down and gain a clearer perspective. I feel more organized if that makes sense. I feel like I can move forward with calm decision making. I am better able to let her behavior roll off my back. Because of Covid, I am not doing the things I would normally do to help manage my stress (gym, spin class, travel, eating out with my friends, going to public lectures, etc). And even if I went for a walk in the park before taking medication, my mind would be racing and I wouldn’t be relaxing!
I have been seeing a therapist (Telehealth) and after a few months she suggested being evaluated for medication. I had a thorough talk with my doctor. I know that the medication is only temporary. It has helped me realize how “normal” feels again. As far as taking medication, it’s not the answer to my stress, I want to be to clear about that. I am taking other positive measures to deal with the changes in my life. It’s just that the racing thoughts and feeling like there was a boulder weighing me down all the time was getting in the way of sleeping, my relationships, and enjoying life. The advice of “take a deep breath” or “just get out for a walk” wasn’t cutting it.
I am so sorry you are under so much stress in dealing with your husband. Definitely rule out any physical concerns first. I am only sharing my experience so you have some perspective on anti-anxiety medication use to help with stress.
More info is required b/4 posting a full response.
But he won't allow you to seek counseling where you might get that support.
Dementia or not, this is coercion.
Why don't you go visit your dad for a couple of weeks? See if the hoarseness as goes away.
Let DH be head of the household on his own for a few weeks.
Stress is the underlying cause of many health problems.
You need to be sure that Your throat is not damage - seeing an ENT is a start
i would recommend counseling/therapy...AND...
Go see the ENT. If clear, either take the PCP’s recommendation or get a second opinion. Sometimes our bodies need help!!
There are lots of things that you can do to relieve stress that do not include medication but PLEASE do not completely rule that out. You take something if you get a headache, backache you like most of us are on at least 1 or 2 other medications. There is nothing "wrong or shameful" about taking a medication for your stress.
You have been on this forum long enough to know that many times a caregiver will die before the person they are caring for. Part of that is not taking care of themselves! that includes visiting a doctor, submitting to testing and possibly medication. May also include talking to a therapist about the stress and how you are coping day to day.
Your cue might also be from friends..I am guessing when you talk to them and you are on the phone you are at home with your husband there, in your stressful environment and when they see you in person you are out, not at home and I would imagine not in such a stressful place. Home= stress= hoarseness
It works too! No drugs.
Only you can determine if the the amount of stress is overwhelming or not. Same goes for your husband.
There are many ways to deal with stress that are natural.
Get enough rest, exercise daily, eat healthy and take lots of breaks. I get a massage monthly and have a massage chair. My husband and I go on dates once per week.
If trying to handle the stress naturally and without medication does not work, then, consider a doctor visit. But again, you always have the freedom to say no.
Please don't feel bad, you are human. My doctor finally just handed me some business cards and said "choose one and go talk with them." Changed my life! I was not ill, I was not crazy, I was just feeling alone and lost. I found a wonderful therapist, who has helped me through the caregiver and now the grieving process. Yes, I talked about everything that entered my mind and she only guided me to my own recovering process.
A therapist is a place you can go that is safe to let out ALL you feelings. And I am sure, like me, there are some that are not a nice as we would like them to be. But that is also OK. We are human. A therapist is a third, Non-judgmental, safe place, person to work through all that is causing our frustration and emotional upheveal. For me it has been and source of validation for all that I have done.
Look for a behavioral therapist that deals mostly with the elderly or people who deal with caregiving. Good luck. God Bless. You are awesome to take on being a caregiver. Do some things that make you feel good -- soaking bath - buy yourself a new blouse, or just find time for a quiet cup of coffee at a coffee shop. A little bit of "me" time. It also helps.