By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
"Experts" can have many different opinions. I guess we've each got to decide for ourselves.
While reading your post, it brought to mind the advice mothers used to get about letting their babies cry it out and not picking them up so often in order to teach them to not be so dependent or to learn to self soothe. As with that advice, every baby is different. I knew when to let them cry and I knew when to pick them up. I say use your intuition and the relationship you have with your mother to guide you.
My son needed surgery as a toddler. I did lots of research on what contributed to the long-term success of this kind of surgery. The factor that correlated best with success was how much the child was separated from parents -- the littler the better. That was even more important than the skill of the surgeon! So as I called clinics I asked what their post-surgery policy was. One said they kept the child 2 weeks and did not permit parental visits. OMG. I did NOT select that clinic! The one I selected had no restrictions on visiting and tried to get the child home within 5 days.
To answer your question, just go. This is her final leg of life journey, so make it as good for her and you as possible. Once she is gone, you won’t regret the decision! Be her advocate and Go! Go! Go!
All my adult life i was there for my mom when she needed ne and vice versa. Yes it got harder on me physically and emotionally but went anyway. In August she was admitted to rehab and in October admitted long term on dementia unit. I visited her every morning minus few days here and there for health or weather issues. Last week dr said she having stomach issue which she had often but usually corrected within few days but this time she didn't need to go to hospital because facility could do same treatment and see how she did later in day. My natural gut said go see her..this was in morning to make sure she was not in pain....i got there within 10 minutes and nurse was calling my cell as i walked in parking lot saying she didn't look good...i got there just minutes before she passed but got to hold her and tell her i love her and then she ket go...my point is that i went with my gut of what i felt was right thing by going when i thought she needed me and because of that i have our last moments together which gave us both peace. ..if i did what others said i never would have that..this happened last week so cery fresh thing for me but everyone on here please go with your gut and heart because nobody there can do that
A week later, I moved her into the community and decided to visit her everyday at first.
I will never regret this decision, as I felt it was cruel to just drop her off and leave her alone for so long. My heart could not do that, no matter what the professionals told me to do.
I myself monitored the frequency of my visits. The nurses saw that I cared, so they also cared for Mom. After 2 weeks, I began skipping a day of visiting, to give her a better chance to adjust to the new schedule.
After 3 months, I began skipping 2 days, so that now I visit her on Wednesdays and Sundays for visits up to 3 hours. I started going with her to the afternoon group activities so that she could know she could go and begin forming those patterns on her own. Well, she hasn't, as she doesn't remember what she is supposed to go to, but her neighbors come by to remind her.
If my work allows it and if I am in the neighborhood on Fridays, I stop by for an hour as there are no afternoon activities those days and the afternoons are always difficult for her (she gets sun downers early if not involved in activities).
Mom has now been in the community for 9 months. Yes, she still prefers to be with us, as she misses us, but that cannot be as my priority had to be her best care, my health and my husband's health and life.
Now, I can better handle her repetitive question of why can't she come home, as she is cared for and loved at the community. AND, I have been able to take 5 day breaks every 2 months or so in order to take much needed rests and refocus my energies on work and other projects...a step at a time!
Bottom line:
This slow approach is harder and takes more time from me than just leaving her there with no contact to us for 3 weeks. BUT, it was they way my heart could do it.
I am very much at peace within myself to have taken this approach.
See All Answers