By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I don't think "family secrets" benefit anyone, promise or no promise. It will just cause hard and hurt feelings down the road.
Honesty is ALWAYS the best policy.
My late husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia in July of 2018, even though he was showing signs a good year before, and he died Sept. 2020.
I told both my children, as they deserved to know not only what their stepfather was going through but also what their mom was going through.
I wish you well in using your discernment in this situation.
You will have to tell your wife that she is currently having changes that her children won't understand without explanation, and that it is their right as grown children to know what is happening to their parents, and what they may have to help with in future.
Will she react well to your telling her this? Perhaps not. But her children have a right, imho, to know this. Knowing will increase their ability to understand daily interactions now; to me with vascular dementia, that is a must.
So you promised not to tell until there is a diagnosis. You kept that promise. Now you have the dx. They should be told. Even if you made a promise not to, it is time to tell your wife that you have reconsidered and have decided that the children have a right to know. Include her in the discussion. Tell her your plans first. Then do it.
I am so sorry you are both faced with this diagnosis and I wish you the best of luck. I don't really believe in lies and withholding something this crucial to the relationship of the mom to her children is a lie of a sort that can have bad repercussions.
Making “promises” to someone with a condition that is progressively causing cognition loss is unfair to your wife AND to you and her children.
Your wife does not need to tell, nor will she benefit if you don’t tell them. If you are more comfortable waiting a while longer you could tell them that you’re trying to get a grip on why Mom has occasional outbursts, and you’ll let them know when you have more information.
Tough stuff. Wishing you the very best while dealing with it. PLEASE keep in mind that she’s losing what made her the woman you loved, and at some perhaps distorted level, she’s grieving your loss too.
SHE’S not abusing you. It’s the new person she’s becoming.
There's really no good reason not to tell them. Your wife is upset, so tell them that, too, but they absolutely should know, especially if yours is a close family.
I am sure your children will be terribly upset about their mother’s situation. How do you suppose they will handle their mother not wanting to share the news?
How are you doing? I read in your profile that you have been married for 50 plus years.
Wishing you peace as you continue on in your caregiving journey.
You'll need to let your kids know, but your wife doesn't need to be informed of that. It's important to reach out to family and to various resources along the way as a support. There are support groups specifically for this as well that can also provide more information and knowledge.
Wishing you much strength and clarity ...and I hope you also take good care of yourself.
But I could see.
See All Answers