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If it’s the second, and he’s cheating both you and M, YOU are in it up to your neck by going along with it. YOU are cheating M by not questioning it and allowing this to continue. When the chips are finally down after M’s death, you will discover the bitter truth and you will blame yourself for going along with it. Your relationship with your brother will then come to a very very nasty end.
If you don’t like the thought of upsetting B now by asking now for more legal information, just remember that if things go wrong you will be bitter, poor and resentful. And like I said, things with your brother will come to a very very nasty end anyway.
Don't be like a lot of people and carry the brunt of care/cost of your mother when it can be made easier. She deserves to reap the benefit of a lifetime of her and your Dad's work and savings, not your brother.
https://www.ssa.gov/fraud/
Report him now and they will investigate.
Meanwhile keep meticulous records.
If you do not wish to do this care and this work, do consider telling brother you are resigning from the care.
You can also consider bringing APS into this. You won't be added to any accounts but they can help you if you can no longer function to give care and need to have your brother put your mother in care.
Good luck.
Do a quick search for the cost of a live in caregiver in your area. I think you will be shocked!
By the way "she did not move in with you" she was brought to you and dumped on you.
Tell him that you can no longer be caregiver and that he needs to find other arrangements by----------date.
You could also fight the POA, no attorney should have accepted the signature of a person that has been diagnosed with dementia.
No POA can act to do anything about a Trust.
That is a Trustee and that is attorney work, not a simple piece of paper.
As to your being "fine " with not being paid? That is NOT fine. You are unable to work for yourself while you give care. You need shared living expenses and costs. There should be a care contract done by the POA ( bro) and you for payment. And yes, you keep and are reimbursed for expenditures for mom INCLUDING her transportation to and from appointments and etc.
I agree the sister is being used and abused. But, I would Definitely NOT drop Mom off at Brother's so that Mom can be used and abused! He doesn't want to take care of her. But he has ensured he alone has access to her money!
This is not a good situation for mom!
My feeling is that this is all vague, he is changing his story, and changing the care arrangements after setting it up for himself. He is giving you all the obligations, and he doesn’t account to you at all. It may all be on the level, but you have no way of finding out. The disappearing 'trust attorney' is the most worrying bit.
If you are paying for all the outgoings and he reimburses you after you provide all the receipts, it would be more sensible for you to be the financial organiser yourself. It doesn’t sound good, you don’t understand the legalities (it's possible that brother doesn't understand them either), you are not safe, and neither is M.
My suggestion would be that you say that you are unable to care for M unless you have a clear understanding of the finances and the decision making. I’d take M back to him to care for until you get details. I think you probably need a lawyer to check any story he gives you.
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