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You need to remember 2 things: you chose to do caregiving for your parents. Your sisters chose not to. Your parents could've, and still can, go into Assisted Living or hire in home caregivers rather than relying on you.
Secondly, you cannot make others give a darn about things. If your sisters don't give a darn about visiting their parents, that's on THEM, not you. You're feeling badly for your parents on their behalf, as if it's somehow a reflection on you that they don't come around? Let your grown parents take it up with their grown children instead.
You CAN reunite with your sisters if you stop expecting anything from them on behalf of your parents. Expectations breed resentments. If you feel overworked, cut down the time you spend with the folks and make other arrangements for them. Delivery of food, in home caregivers, laundry service, a housekeeper, etc. It's written nowhere that it's your job to do any of these tasks. Do only what you genuinely WANT to do w/o expecting reciprocity from your sisters. If you're able to do that, the anger and resentment will disappear and you'll revive those relationships with them.
Best of luck.
I don’t plan on having a relationship with mine when my father is finally gone. I realize that I don’t need or want my sisters in my life anymore. It’s too toxic.
I was CHOSEN by my mother to be the caregiver for my parents . The rift between myself and siblings started before the caregiving even started , due to my parents moving near me ( in their late 70’s) and leaving siblings behind in another state .
My parents followed soon after I had moved . Siblings felt my parents chose me over them in general . The fact was my mother groomed me from an early age to be their caregiver . She admitted she followed me so I could care for them .
I have accepted that it is what it is . Do I miss having more family ? Sometimes . Then I remember how I was treated by some of them because my parents decided to move near me . I can’t change what they believe .
Every family is different and each caregiving scenario is different . It’s up to you if you can get over being ignored . Personally for me , I know I’m better off .
My mom's still alive, we will all do the pretending BS we do if we have to see each other.
I am so over all of that, and them , the one thing that when mom dies, that will make me happy is I won't have to see them anymore.
Brothers were raised that men are better than women, I want nothing to do with that or them, not now not ever again. I may have something to do with my older brother because he is alone in life, he will need things occasionally if his is sick or what not but him and me couldn't be more different so it will be very limited.
My sister doesn't help at all I'm so over that, no anger here, not worth it , the anger only hurts me, not her. But her as a person, I just don't trust her, she becomes whatever the person she is talking to believes. I like honesty, not fake.
So sure they are related by blood but honestly if we weren't, would I even like the people they are, NO
So I've accepted the fact that I want them out of my life and try to pretend I was switched at birth.
I honestly can say I'm at peace with that. This didn't happen because of caregiving, it happened because caregiving brought us together, and showed me that I honestly have ZERO in common with them, and they are not people id ever befriend if we were at a party together. They would be on the list of people I advoid at a party.
Try to get over your anger, it's very unhealthy, the only person it hurts is you.
Best of luck
Something in those words. Which is exactly what happened to me.
I myself would not do hands on caregiving.
I think that you have far too many judgements about the sister's choices for themselves, and they are likely well aware of them (actually if you haven't been so honest as to speak to them that ALSO isn't right). I doubt there will be a whole lot of healing and communication.
People, even siblings, move, get on with their own lives and their own families, and sometimes meet for the "proverbial feast day" because it is somewhat an obligation.
If you would like after holidays to speak with your sisters why not reach out to them and ask if you can.
I would say something to this effect:
"I am well aware that I took on this caregiving role by choice; sometimes I can't even think WHY I did. I know you have a right to your own choices. Could you share with me why you aren't more active in helping me manage any of it? Is this about your relationship with our parents, or me, or just busy lives that don't really include them, us? Is there any way you would be willing to help at all with a little respite, some grocery shopping, an appointment? Anything? It would mean so much to me. Do feel free, after discussing this, to tell me no, but I hope you will also tell me WHY, so that I know".
That's it. A bit of honesty. The truth is that they may not much like their parents, or feel that they were GOOD parents. The other side to that coin is they simply don't CARE about any of you at all. If that's the case, why would you want a relationship with them going forward.
Blood may be thicker than water, and a bit more colorful, but it doesn't count for much other than that. It's just genes. Nothing else.
Good luck. Sorry. Have as good Holidays as you can.
By the way, fare is actually spelled "fair" .
You stand on your soap box often, judging and being cruel to people on this forum. From your stand point of managing care from a distance.
Take a seat ALVA DEER.
I'm sad for the loss of the relationship with my sister which was for many decades very close.
I got a strong message from Mom post-death to work on forgiveness. I'm working on forgiveness now.
I think we will have a distant, surface relationship going forward.
My relationship with my sister will never be what it was. I was subjected to a lot of extreme irrational anger and rage over the 6 year period due to the unmedicated mental illness and I'm not going to put myself in close position in which I am threatened again.
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