By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
A regular job and trips? You must be exhausted!
Girl, your mom expects an interaction but ends up feeling as if talking to a wall. Next time try reflective listening. Imagine you're a mirror, paraphrase what she says and throw it back to show you're paying attention. Or beg her forgiveness at the start of the conversation and say you're too worn out to pay her the full attention she deserves. Make an appointment for when you're nice and perky, and sit down to chat about that cleaning lady while sucking up coffee strong enough to wake the dead.
If that's not good enough and she still cops an attitude, let her simmer. Limit the phone calls to 2x / week. If she wants more, tell her grab a cab and come over to hang out with the kiddies.
Cattails had good advice about hiring a care giver even if they do end up just talking and watching TV. When my mother was living at home, she had a cleaning lady a few days a week; and my father said they mostly talked, instead of cleaning. I had mentioned this to the elder service people who send these people out. And they said it is quite common that the elderly person just wants to talk. I learned to fluff off my mother telling me she wouldn't call me again, or just hung up on me. I would give her time to cool off and then I would call. Actually, I do most of the calling to her now. I think just hearing the phone ring makes her feel better.
So the advice from Cattails and Jeanne would seem to help your mom since she is alone and you have other responsibilities as well. Bless you with those triplets!!! You sound like a very loving daughter; hope you find something that helps.
You have a very full and busy life and you can't be your mom's daily companion. You didn't say if your mom was taking anti-depressants. If she isn't, maybe that should be considered. She sounds lonely and you are all she has so the logical place to go for conversation is you.
For several years, I was taking care of both my parents and had them living in a small house on our property. I ran myself ragged dealing with all my mom's medical problems, cleaning their house, cooking their meals, fixing her hair, handling their finances, medications, shopping, doctor appointments, etc. I finally hired a care giver to come in and do the bathing for my mom. I also wanted her to do some light housekeeping, to give me a break. My mom, on the other hand, decided that she wanted the care giver to sit and watch TV with her. So that's pretty much what the $25.00 an hour, 3 hours per day, 3 days a week ended up being. I know my mom realized that I wanted a break and in a major way, her insistence for a TV companion was really about control. Nevertheless, it made her happy and gave me an emotional break. My mom had my dad for company, but your mom is alone. I don't know your circumstances, but I'm just offering this as a suggestion. Maybe it would give your mom an new focus. Hugs.
Has irrational anger gone with your mother's depression in the past? Is she showing any other new behaviors? Perhaps her doctor should be made aware of any significant changes.
Is she taking her depression meds as directed, do you know?
Call her when it is convenient for you. Be loving and attentive. If she starts to call you again, fine. If she doesn't, well that gives you more control.
Can your children call her regularly? Would she enjoy hearing what they did in school? It wouldn't be appropriate for her to moan and groan about the cleaning person -- would she recognize that and speak accordingly? I don't think you want to subject your kids to mentally ill ramblings (until/unless they are old enough to deal with it), but if it could work out it might be good for all parties concerned.
They could periodically send her cards -- homemade or carefully selected. No need to wait for an occasion, just a cheer up gesture.
Some days I would like nothing better than to stay in bed all day. But I'll bet that would get old real fast. In fact I was going nuts after just a few days when I had foot surgery. So I really feel sorry for your mother spending so much time in bed, and being depressed on top of it! And it is not like she has exciting things to talk about, so no wonder she goes on and on about the cleaning person. Poor dear. I'm sure you feel sorry for her too, and do everything you can think of to provide some joy. I just hope that doesn't lead to feelings of guilt when you aren't totally successful. It is not your fault.
Good luck.