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Stop responding when she acts this way. Leave. Hang up. Say "I can't participate in a conversation like this".
She probably will not be able to ammend her behavior, but at least your exposure to the craziness will be reduced.
It could well be part of narcistic tendencies? Kind of this is how they feel worthwhile, attractive, young, or interesting. Having men after them, flirting & being the 'bell of the ball'
Sarlett O'Hara.
I can't think of anything else but withdrawing contact to a safe level for you. Shut down anything inappropriate instantly. Call it out as if an older man was inappropriate to a younger woman. Physically leave if verbally saying no does not work.
Sounds like this is a family pattern that she was raised with.
NOW is the time to say ENOUGH. NOW is the time to recognize that she is not going to change, but YOU can and SHOULD. Being a victim of emotional incest from a mentally ill mother is not okay, by any stretch of the imagination. Whether she agrees with your decision to release yourself from this enmeshed relationship or not, you must DO it anyway.
Bring her the things she needs. Have short conversations with her over the phone once in a while. The very moment she begins to speak in a romantic way towards you or to call you by your late father's name, that's when you END the conversation or leave her presence. You let her know you do NOT appreciate this kind of treatment from her and you will no longer tolerate it. She, of course, will gaslight you and say she's doing 'nothing wrong, whatever are YOU talking about?' But you will leave her on that note, with the seed planted inside of her sick head, each and every time she goes down that path.
Sooner or later, she WILL realize that every time she treats you inappropriately, you WILL leave or you WILL hang up the phone and so, she will back off from doing it, more than likely. And if she doesn't, why then YOU shall back off even more from HER.
Enough is enough. Just b/c she gave birth to you does not mean you owe her one more moment of your life or your time. She's living comfortably where she's at. If she falls and gets hurt, you will call 911 and have her transported to the ER for treatment. If she develops worse dementia than she already has, you will help her move from IL to AL or to Skilled Nursing or whatever. That is fulfilling your role as a son without being a surrogate husband to her, which is not your role or your job in life.
Wishing you the very best of luck stepping back from role you've been put into with your mother and saying No More.
Limit your exposure. Say "I can't possibly do that" and mean it. Don't explain.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ei6-Ri31ObQ
Have you considered seeing a therapist to help you learn how to set healthy boundaries, and how to say "no, I can't possibly do that" to your mom?
There is a wonderful book called "Boundaries" by Townsend and Hall. Read it. It's a good first step.
I don't have any good answer for you. Hopefully, others do.