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I'm sorry for the diagnosis of early onset Alzheimer's. It robbed you of a husband and your son of a father. May he rest in comfort.
How considerate of you to consider your young son's feelings first. He was with you in the trenches and lived the sadness with you. If no one came around after your husband got sick, then I wouldn't give a hoot about them.
Your tribute of planting plants, saying kind words, decorating his urn, spreading part of his ashes on the ocean and making a small shrine in your home are all lovely tributes. I'm sure he would feel honored.
As for the rest, the old saying rings true, "A friend that sticks with you through the hard times is a true friend indeed."
Phooey to all the others.
When Mom did pass, we had a funeral mass in a Sister 2's funeral home she worked for. It was beautiful and many people came! In fact, my personal commentary I gave as her eulogy, which I am so proud of. I'm pleased--and I think Mom would be too--that so many people learned history and sides of her that few ever knew.
The bottom line is: suit yourselves. Funerals/memorial services are for the living.
May you be comforted by your good memories.
It seems that in small town and rural America the funeral is important, and important to people who attend church. I and my husband and daughter want cremation and then we’ll leave any scattering of ashes, burial or small ceremony to the survivors.
NO. Don’t have a funeral, especially if your son doesn’t want it. I was traumatized when my grandpa died when I was a child and my grandma made me look in the open casket. His face is burned in my memory.
some insanely toxic folks in my life, so in my case small service for husband made
sense (I still can't even go into the drama, it's Jerry Springer stuff except not funny)
My dad will want something big, has already spoken to me about it. I know his wishes
I will have to deal with the grifters and might also have to deal with legal action too once
they find out. : ( . There were a couple that thought they were in his will (one was) and
then blew out of town. They do check back periodically to see if he's dead yet. Nice!!
I could not allow her to plan a lavish funeral and then claim poverty and apply for Medicaid - even though it's legal in our state to do so.
I can't see who will come to this funeral. Most are already deceased or would otherwise not be able to be there. Family dynamics are so bad that I probably could not or would not go myself (i.e. those who do not think Mom should be in a facility, that being in a facility was what killed her - indirectly blaming me for Mom's death. I will not tolerate being blamed for her death in any way and we have at least one family member who would make a scene at a funeral and it would not be out of character.)
I fully agree that no funeral is required and (as with weddings, graduations, births, etc) we've been convinced that certain things must be included in the process. In our case, I'd encouraged cremation with all services private, but Mom and others didn't want that. The decision makers agreed on a scaled back version of her original extravaganza - but even the new version is over the top given the situation. We'll see how it all plays out when the time comes, but at least the arrangements are made.
My MIL passed away a week ago and she wanted a funeral and was able to pay for it herself. It was truly wonderful being able to honor and celebrate her in that way. I was worried that no one would come. I worried that her blabber mouth partner would latch on to someone at the service (he has a way of latching on to you and talking non stop) and that he would
start saying my husband killed her since he was her POA and made the decision to (finally) get her on morphine just 4 days before she died! She didn’t really have any friends, sad as that is. There is a large extended family but we all hardly know each other, we see them at funerals every few years and that’s the extend of the relationshipz Towards the end of her illness, a friend from her former job started visiting which was great and she and a few others who worked with MIL attended the visitation. But the funeral itself was small. 3 of her 4 siblings attended and a few nieces and nephews and cousins. The rest were friends and family members of her children & their spouses. Luckily there was no drama. We had a reception afterwards with catered food, and people also brought food. As nice as it was, for me it was a luxury not a necessity. If she hadn’t had the means to pay for all of it, it would have been very different. The mortuary, casket and plot alone were over $10k. The pastor and reception hall were $340. The headstone will be another $2k at least. Food and flowers were $500 five or take. There were certain unnecessary things that certain people wanted for the service and my husband did tell them that it was on them, they could pay for it, that he wasn’t going to use MILs money to pay for it.
In my opinion, what we have MIL was flashy service. If she hadn’t had the means to pay for such a lavish funeral, we would have done things much differently. We definitely would not have sought donations through a gofundme or anything like that. We would have done what we could with what little money was available. Now that it is all said and done, I am still anti-funeral as I think they are also for the living, but I am extremely greatful that MIL had the means to allow us to give her such a beautiful service. She did pre-pay for the plot 3 months ago but nothing else was prepaid.
Do what is best for you. If you think you may need the closure or you feel like family members need a service to pay their respects... you could have a memorial service at home. It's a very expensive and stressful event to plan with a funeral home.
Do what's best for you. It's hard enough to lose someone, don't do it if it's not best for you. ❤️
We told lots of stories and laughed.
His wish was for me to take his ashes to Hawai'i and put them next to his favorite tree on a beach.
I did so.
My husband's family ~ specifically the SIL is now trying to tell me how I need to arrange a huge funeral for my husband. She wants a grand finale of sorts. I will do as my husband wishes and he wants to be cremated and buried next to his father. No fuss and no muss.
My MIL preplanned her funeral and has something like 17K put aside for it. She wants her son and daughter to make sure that everyone comes and it is huge. I find that odd coming from a family who didn't do funerals or had very simple services to mark their passing.