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Take care of yourself. And do not feel guilty about anything. You have done a tremendous job taking care of your mom and giving her loving care. Give some back to yourself.
When my father in law died about 4 years ago, when we were at the funeral home setting things up for the funeral, my mother in law did a pre-paid funeral for herself. That way she got what she wanted. Some of my wife's family seemed to think she should have went for a bigger funeral for both of them, but again didn't want to pay for it themselves.
Funny how people want something until they're asked to pay for it.
Simply, the ones I remember best were outdoor, graveside services. I really do not remember much about the limousine service, grand floral tributes, singers, fancy hardwood coffins. What I do think stands out is when someone quotes a passage of scripture, poem, or story that reflects who that person was. What did they stand for. Those are the moments in a funeral service that mean the most and likely offer comfort to the family. The funerals that I remember best really were simple affairs.
Myself, I like graveside, simple affairs. I was raised and continue to live in a rural community where the standard funeral is a packed community hall or church, with a huge potluck dinner afterward. I am most willing to participate and cook, serve and cleanup for these events. For me and mine, less is more.
Regarding the elderly............... such.different circumstances.
My elderly MIL and mom will be buried without fanfare. Same for me. In a way, my husbands funeral was a celebration of "us" - him and me. Now it's just me and I believe that I was already honored along with him in 2010. No more needs to be said or done. Just put me beside him in the cemetery - that's all I want.
but .. *shrugs* I'll leave it where it ended. Except to say, if I went to any service or celebration, right now, my options would be to choose between lying about how I feel, or blasting everyone in the room. I choose the higher road to stay away. I don't need no damned "closure" .. not yet.
Cremation with the ashes scattered in the Amazon River was too cliché for him. Donating his body for science to play with was a gas. We laughed for days about it. Finally we settled on a party-funeral with plenty of food and booze. So we celebrated his life instead of mourning his passing.
Forgive me if I come across as flippant, but did you ask your mother what she wanted?