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When he got that way (And none of us ever knew what would trigger him) then the other POA (the FPOA) would usually step in and smooth things over.
If that failed, and it often did, we simply kept our visits with mom to a phone call. I went as long as a year w/o seeing her more than once, and she lived 2 miles away.
Just b/c you're an adult does not mean you are grown up.
I’m pretty sure if you do that, there’ll be no more physical abuse. Possibly no more arguing.
My inclination would be to walk away and not be involved. Let the rest of them duke it out.
Your poor mother.
I feel sorry for your mom having to witness this situation. It would make me feel awful to see my children assaulting one another.
One stayed less than 5 miles away from LO, visited regularly, dealt with interactions with AL, brought/sent holiday items to LO, held her and during pressure sore treatments (because I loved her dearly) etc. etc. etc. etc…….
No “tips”, MUCH too much experience.
If this is your mother do you all not have her best interest at heart?
Who is POA if anyone?
If no one that needs to be arranged ASAP (if it is not already to late)
There are mediators that can help with conflicts like this. (this can be costly and then the arguments begins as to who pays for the mediator)
bottom line:
*If mom is unable to live INDEPENDENTLY at home then she should either have caregivers that she pays for that will be with her for as long as she needs help. That could be a few hours a day or 24/7.
*If caregivers are out of the question then a move to a facility that will meet her needs. That could be Assisted Living or Memory Care. Or possibly Independent Living if she can manage on her own but can not keep up with household chores.
To keep someone living in their home for the sake of being in the "family" home if they can not manage, or it takes the rest of the family to keep the person in the home is insane and for the long run untenable. It places undue burden on members of the family that should be taking care of their own households.
In the absence of a PoA I agree that a 3rd party mediator may be the best solution here. If there's no PoA then I agree with cwillie that guardianship may be the only other solution.
Who is everyone fighting over?
Does this person have dementia?
Where does this person live?
Who has the DPOA?