By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
You promised your dad under pressure. That is not a promise you have to keep, while putting your own health at risk. You need help, and you need to be able to walk away from abuse.
You and your husband both need to find some respite help, even if it's paid, so you can have time to reconnect, before this wrecks your marriage. Yes, you haven't had time to grieve. I know I didn't, and it wasn't until after my mother died that I was able to slowly go back and grieve them both. It's taken years.
Keep coming on the site. We can't fix your problems, but we can listen. Please do look at some outside help, and don't feel guilty. You are doing your human best. Don't wreck your health and marriage to honor a promise that you didn't know how not to make.
Carol
I am coping better, and finally got my mother to go to the doctor, and they re-prescribed my mother her medicines. Zoloft, Xanax, blood pressure medicine, Namenda etc.... Now everyone who was on my side as far as believing me, with how she acted and how she treated me, believe that maybe I'M THE ONE with the problem. After dealing with my father's passing, all the while dealing with her, and still no help from family or friends. (They at one time believed me.) Now with mother starting back on her prescription medication, she is more calm and can hold a conversation a little longer. Soooo, it must be me now.
Now, I hear, I don't see what your saying about mom. She seems to be doing so much better after father has passed. Little do they know, but the questions they ask, and her replies are basically what I have told her. She NOW can repeat questions, from what I have been telling her. It is going around full circle again. No one called her after my father died. NOW on mother's day, no one can see any difference in her behavior from before my father passed... AM I the one lost? or is my mother still the narcisstic, pity seeking woman she has always been?
I would really like a response, from anyone so that I know I'm not the one going through mental illness. I am totally at wits end. Either that, or my sisters and brother feel, they don't have to worry as much. Maybe, I'm just helpless forever
Anyways, FWIW, *I* believe you! If I had a nickel for every time I heard "she's sharp as a tack" just because my mom recognized people and conversed a little, plus could memorize the date from the sign on the wall long enough to give the doctor the right answer...well I would not be a millionaire but I'd have enough for a couple months worth of good coffee.
You are right my cat seems to know when my fibromyalgia or R.A. is bad and he sleeps next to me and leans his warm body into mine and his warmth helps me go to sleep- it is the best medician-I lucked out when I met him at the shelter 2 yrs ago and when I cry he really seems to understand.
My 67 year old father-in-law was diagnosed with Parkinson's approx. 5 years ago. After my mother-in-law died (3 years ago) we noticed that he was not caring for himself. He showed lack of concern of personal grooming, doing things outside of the home, or even energy. After a several discussions with my husband I reluctanely moved into my father-in-law's home with my husband, myself, and my three children. (my father-in-law has always been an ungrateful person and very degrading of my husband - therefore my reluctance) I agreed because I saw the concern in my husband's eyes when he thought of his dad being alone across town.
At first his needs were basic, laundry, preparing meals, preparing his daily medications, transporation to doctor's appts. etc. However, in February of '08 my nightmare started. My father-in-law began to swell in the feet and legs. After taking him to his Cardiologist he was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure and placed in the hospital. He spent the next 8 months in and out of hospitals 11 times. During this past 8 months he has been diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure, COPD, Sleep Apnea, Kidney Stone, Deterioration in his back and ankles, Depression, and Anxiety.
Now, he is considered "home bound" and needs help doing pretty much everything on a personal stand point (banking, paying bills, meals, etc.) His physical care varies. He has his days when he needs help putting on his clothes, obtaining things cuz he can't walk, and then he has days when you wouldn't know he suffered from all these conditions.
Although his physical health has stabled his mental health has gotten out of control. And so has mine!!
I won't trouble you with every little detail but in the past year and a half of living here my father-in-law has not only degraded my husband on a almost daily basis but he has also began degraded myself and now my children. (I have a daughter that is 17, a step son that is 17 and a son that is 6).
My father-in-law name calls, has been in my face screaming at me, has called the police on my husband (trying to have us removed from "his" house), has been in my step-sons face telling him to get out of "his" house, downgrades the way I cook, look, and handle my life. He fights us on his care. He refuses to use his medical assistance devices and cancels half the doctor's appts we set for him. He even complains on a daily basis to us and anyone else that listens that he wants supper at 5 o'clock and I should do it when he wants it now when the family wants it. I was not brought up in a family environment of such distress I am like on eggshells. I never know what he is going to do and say. I have been to my wits end and packed my things up and was heading to my mom's house but then both my husband and my father-in-law beg me to stay. For the sake of my husband, I do. But now it's getting very hard to keep a positive attitude.
I want to move out for the sake of my children but my husband avoids the situation. What does someone do?
I am sorry for all you are going. At least the hospital staff intervened at times which is great but unusual. I know there is nothing I can say to bring any comfort to you except that when I talk to God I will ask for some measure of comfort for you and wisdom for that family of yours. I can not imagine how you are coping with all that you have going on at this time and all I have to offer is my friendship. I do not know if your reading the bible esp. the psalms would help take you away from your life for a while. I so wish I could be there in person for you and give you a hug.
Thanks for the cyber hug! Things are calming down a bit with my Dad. He's been in his new Intermediate Care Facility for a week now. The daytime staff there is great. I'm not sure about the night shift, though. They don't seem to have the same sensitivity as the day shift. But one thing's for sure....they all know that I'm there as a permanent fixture and can see what's going on. I make sure that I'm there for at least one of his meals. And I also go back in the evening to help get him settled in for the night. Because this is the weekend, I know there are a lot of other family members who will be visiting, so it takes some of the responsibilities off of my shoulders.
My mother continues to visit every 4 to 5 days for about an hour or less. My brother came with her on Thursday. In a fit of his anger, my brother ripped all of the family pictures off of my Dad's wall. I can't even imagine what caused him to do this. I spent the time yesterday to put the pictures back up, taping the ripped ones back together, smoothing out the creases, etc. As my Dad's guardian, I now must make a decision on whether my brother's visits are harmful to my Dad.
I did get a new attorney...a woman this time. My other attorney was fine for geting the guardianship, but he seemed to turn into a milktoast lately. He was more about giving in than fighting for what I needed for my Dad. I finally had 'enough' and started searching for a new attorney. This one isn't afraid of going into a courtroom. I've found there's actually a term called "Court Phobia" where a lot of attorneys try to resolve things out of court rather than have to actually go into a courtroom. My new attorney is going to fight for me and, consequently, for my Dad. Yea!
Things are starting to settle down. Dad is in a good place. The staff there knows that I'm doing what's best for my Dad. They all seem to be on the same page as I am.
Dad has come out of his 'fog' a little and is starting to be able to carry on conversations again. He continues to talk about things from other times of his life and so doesn't always make sense. But he's back to having a sense of humor and enjoying his visitors. He's still on Hospice and isn't expected to be around more than a few months. But I'm grateful for his improvement, no matter how small. Oh, by the way, the care facility staff said that a lot of patients come to them from the hospital and are sleep-deprived. That's why they sleep almost non-stop for the first few days when they get there. Last Sunday, my Dad slept most of the time my husband, sons and I were visiting. Last night, my husband visited with him and they had a great conversation. Big difference!
I will keep you all posted as to what happens next! Thanks for your continued support.
See All Answers