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A weeks ago I have a terrible argument with Mom about her POA. She has only my brother on this and if she should have to come to Florida to live with me or be in a nursing home or assisted living, i would have little power to take care of her. She is at a crossroads. She has to make a new POA, it has places for two successors agents. I should at the very least be one of them. She knows I expect her to put me on this, she knows she needs to, and we will see what happens. I suspect nothing will happen, she is too paranoid. But this is the end of the road for me, if left off again, I will do nothing when she needs help. I can't really do much except the hard nasty stuff at this point. I have explained to her how hard getting guardianship and how expensive getting guardianship could be. She only snapped at me that I wouldn't have to spend "my money". She has never spent any of her money and she has plenty. But she will when the time comes.
Step away and don't let others make you feel guilty ever, you deserve better and I deserve better. But we won't get it from our Mothers as long as we let them push us around. ANd as long as you engage with them, they will try to keep this power struggle going. Cut loose from her.
You've got to give up your expectations that she will ever see you as a total person with hurt feelings. She is always going to behave badly no matter what you do or say.
Find another way to get your hurt feelings off your chest. Write them out here not in a letter to your mother. There are plenty of people here who will understand.
Move on. You are worth it.
My sister and I have been giving our mother a cold shoulder since the first of Feb. because mom through a fit at the dr.'s office when sis took her in to get a current memory test done. We only wanted to try to get her to take medicine to slow the progression of Alz. Mom did so badly on the test, she got angry and refused to finish the test, threw her purse down on the floor. The PA got the dr. and he tried to give her the test in a way she wouldn't realize it was a test,but mom walked out of the exam room accusing my sis and me of trying to have her committed and take all her money. She told us to stay out of her live...so we are. She also accused my sis of going to 2 different attorney's to try to take over her money. All of the accusations are ploys by mom to make herself a victim. She even went back to the dr. recently for a UTI and asked the dr. what he is saying behind her back to sis and me. He told her he has not said anything to us behind her back and that he discussed her situation openly with her in his office with her daughter there. Mom is desperate to prove we are out to take her money, yesterday she went back to the cardiologist to talk with him re: results of the sonogram on the arteries in her legs. He already told her she had some blockage that is not too bad but could benefit from having stints placed. She doesn't remember, she thinks my sister is lying. She has even told us we are purposely trying to make her think she is crazy. So we won't help her now until the Alz. gets bad enough and she can be declared incompetent. We don't have to take her abuse anymore, lived with it all our lives but now we have boundaries. Mom has Schzoid personality disorder.
I hope this helps you, my thoughts are with a personality disorder nothing will change with them until the Alz progresses far enough along. Every time we let her back in our life she starts again accusing us because of something she doesn't like that we say or do. Proceed with caution and enjoy the weekend, hope its a sunny one!!♥
"Saved Soul - Lost Mind" I think they call it.
Just having the 2 lines can be enough to intimidate some of the bad guys. They'll know the account is being watched and that they can't clean you out with one trip.