How do you deal with a narcissistic mother?

Hi playagrandma, we have the same mother. My mother says the same things to me, "don't worry", etc., etc. I know I have posted before on this thread but I have been reading articles on Psychology Today about narcissistic mothers and they are really helpful. Also, I decided to reread a book I have about narcissistic families by Nina Brown. It means even more to me now than the first time.

There is a no win with your Mother. You must walk away. The guilt is part of who they are and what they do. They require a narcissistic supply and when she manipulates you she is getting her needs met. You don't mean anything to her (and i am not trying to be mean). Realizing that helped me.

I recently had an incident with my mother over a silly nothing. Just trying to help because she complains non stop. Because the incident made her "golden child" angry, she turned on me. I explained that mom, my brother and me need to talk to each other in a civil manner. I told her Dad had verbally abused us all and I just wasn't going to listen to that anymore. She, after 60 years of trashing my dad for everything under the sun, turns on me and says "he was pretty good to you", "don't know what you are complaining about." I was shocked.

She was angry at me and wanted to hurt me. She didn't hurt me, she pissed me off. She told me what she wants from me is to call her and "try and cheer me up." I told her it was not my job to make her happy.

I am disengaging from her. I want to read some of the comments from cmagnum about disengaging. I have had it. You will eventually get there because there is no winning with these crazy people. Save Yourself!

madge yes that seems to be the typical behavioir of a NM. I feel llike I have come full circle, in that when I moved back here I made up my mind to try and get her health issues straightened out. She was very okay with this until I made her mad cause she didnt get her way and told me to butt out. And I did until lately. She has some real issues going on with her bowels and finally got her into a specialist. She will be getting a cat scan and then an upper GI and hopefully we will find out what is going on. In the meantime that is the extent of my participation regarding her. After that is solved I will continue to keep abreast of her health issues-but nothing else. I refuse to do nice things for her anymore-I dont classify health issues in that category.

Good for you who realize what is going on when I decided making the husband happy was not my job I felt better about life in general and became stronger.

It doesn't matter whether they're in your home, or a nursing home - the narcissist can operate from either, even from their bed...........
The damage they have done stays in your heart forever

Here is a perfect example of what a narcissistic mother can do. If you have any doubt whether you are caring for one, this will clue you in.
This morning I am getting ready to meet my daughter and take the bus downtown to a hospital so that we can meet with a panel of doctors to decide
whether or not my daughter must have surgery for a pituitary gland tumour. My mother was fully aware that I was going to be doing this today.
But because SHE wants to go to the hairdresser she throws a request at me as soon as I bring in the breakfast tray, shoving a piece of paper at me and demanding that I book a ride on the mobility bus for her.
She could have asked me to do this last night which would have been more convenient for me, but, because the narcissist is the centre of their world, she did not do so. I asked her why she didn't ask me to do this last night and she said "Oh, you would have just said no". How would you know that!!
So, here I am sitting on hold because she is too lazy to do it, it's easier to get someone else to do it - and I am consumed with worry over my daughter who may or may not need BRAIN SURGERY!!!
But she doesn't care.....her vanity comes first - and, of course, the bathing lady will be here just before I have to leave, and when I expressed some annoyance at that, she says "Well I don't see how that could possibly inconvenience YOU".
No, of course you don't!! Because it's all about you, and what YOU want.....it's your narcissistic selfishness that makes you think this way........you should be ashamed of yourself, and if your parents were still alive, they certainly would be.
I have booked the trip and of course, she had to come out of her room and into the kitchen to see if I was doing it. After I got off the phone I said to her, you spoke to my daughter last night, do you not understand the gravity of today's situation? She said, of course I spoke to her, I know what today is, I don't know what you're referring to......... Well isn't that convenient?
It would really help me if I could understand where they get this all-consuming sense of self-importance but I have read so much about narcissism now that it is becoming very clear to me. I call it the "Queen Elizabeth syndrome". It's all about her, what she wants, what she can make people do, power, control and YOUR submission to her. And then she has the nerve to say that I'm "mean and nasty" if she doesn't get what she wants!!
Your prayers would be appreciated .......

Libracat you have my prayers and thoughts. Every post and story i read on here, telling a story about the selfishness of the parent has a common theme. No empathy, none. My Mother has outdone herself this past week. She has "0" empathy for anyone. So, according to what I read, this is one of the number one indicators of narcissism. I am absolutely sure my mother is narcissistic and paranoid. I am just waiting to see if this is the beginning of dementia. I can't see it yet but it could be.

I hope you daughter is OK, let us know. Nothing worse in the world than worrying about a child. Take care

lib not to be sounding mean could you have said I do not have time this morning I will do it tonight or you can do it for yourself-and why can she not come to the table for breakfast?

I guess what I was trying to explain is that no matter what else is going on they have to throw a wrench into everything - to bring the focus back to them because they honestly believe that they are more important than anyone else. It just defies belief in us "normal" people. This is not the first time this has happened.
I will plan something and there always has to be sabotage on their part. If I complain about it, I get "It's not my fault, I told you about this last week, I had nothing to do with it," etc. There is always a shirking of responsibility and a failure to take any blame because they see themselves as beyond that.
You also have to be very careful because they think they are beyond the law. Nothing is done right, according to them. But when they want to use the law to THEIR advantage, that is a different story.
The television is always on at full volume, but "there must be something wrong with your hearing - you need to have that checked" if you can't hear what she's saying. She will never do without or go without anything that she wants because that is considered "suffering" or "being deprived". She comes first in all situations.
Bottom line is: there is no winning except by her. These people live a parasitic life style feeding off those who are caregiving for them (often without proper compensation).

@195Austin - You are correct, however, the booking for the ride has to be done 24 hrs. in advance so I had no choice but to get it done this morning. If she books it herself, she is too important to be put on hold (you should only hear what she has to say about call waiting!!) and so if that were to happen I would have to listen to a rant about how hard that was, how long she had to sit there, that's not fair to make people wait, etc,. etc., etc. But she forgets that she is not the only person wanting to book!! That doesn't matter to her.......but the most important thing in this is that it is easier to bully someone else into doing it doing it herself is beneath her (she's too important for that) and it also gives her that narcissistic sense of importance that she MUST have - same thing about coming to the kitchen to eat. It's much "nicer" to be served on a tray (nobody does that for ME!!)
I wouldn't mind her coming into the kitchen for her meals, however, everything has to be put away because she is extremely nosy and will have to comment on every single thing that is laying around "whose bank statement is that? is that mine? why is someone opening MY bank statement?" "I don't like that chair over there, I would have put it somewhere else - it doesn't go there" (never mind that it's my home, my decorating taste, whatever.......) Everything and anything is fair game. So it's easier for me to just have her eat in her room because I don't want everything examined and scrutinized. She has taught us that this is the way to treat her by past experiences.

libracat...firstly, I pray your daughter is okay?
As for your mum...I'm aggitated just reading your posts, knowing exactly what you're having to deal with and your frustration at trying to explain it to those around you who cannot possibly understand what your going through without every having to deal with it themselves.
These people have no logic and little emotional attactment to anyone. For example....
I was recently bringing my mother home from a hospital stay and constantly searching for the right time on the journey home to tell her the sad news that her brother-in-law had died and a good friend of her sister-in-law's as well. It was bad enough having to break the news at a most vulnerable time and I was fretting all the way home. Did she notice my odd silence & behaviour? NOpe! Too busy carrying on about the transitional nurse waiting for her arrival home. Now I was thinking I'd tell the worst news last...kinda build up to the shock by telling her first about the SIL's friend (which by the way, was in no way her friend) and then lead in with the worst news, hoping she might handle it better that way.
Well, typical isn't it! They never do what you expect them to do because they just aren't normal people. She freaked about the SIL's friend and brushed off the death of her bro-in-law. I was totally flawed! For the life of me, I just cannot figure her out and I've given up trying to. Needless to say, it still gets to me every time. I go home ranting under my breathe and dread having to step through the door of my mother's place every time.
So, yes, I feel very sad & sorry for you. I know what it's like to give up resisting and finding the easier path to dealing with them, knowing it's going to make my life just that tad less stressful.
Keep us informed on your daughter please.

@ASympathiser, and to all you dear people who have inquired and prayed for my daughter and I: went to the meeting, was told that what she has is some kind of an anomaly on the gland but it is also imposing on the corrotid artery so surgery for it is very, very risky.....apparently this is quite a rare thing and they are going to do a comprehensive MRI on it in Aug. Then we will go back in Sept. to see what the next step is. They will NOT operate on it (too much risk of stroke, brain damage or worse) but they may do an exploratory surgery on it to get more information.
So bottom line, she didn't get the resolution she wanted (yet). It's annoying to her because she believed that all the symptoms she's experiencing are due to it but the surgeons say that could not be the case. Time will tell......it's in His hands. He always answers our prayers - perhaps not with the solution we WANT, but with the solution we NEED. How awesome is that?
Thanks to all of you for your care and concern -- much appreciated!!
Plus - ASympathiser: I have also discovered that our mothers can only react to what is happening to them, in that moment, or in the near future, hence your mother's concern about the nurse coming. I see that as they age (mine is almost 87) they lose their reasoning, logic and rationale so we have to be prepared for bumpy roads ahead!!

libracat-thoughts are with you and your daughter. your daughter is blessed she has you for a mother. As for mine-all is good for the moment. She had her cat scan and upper GI. Nothing serious going on. That is the good news-the bad news if her bowel troubles continue-not sure what we are going to do. Currently she is on her good behavior. But that is for various reasons-one she really hadnt been feeling good and she is getting the attention she thinks she deserves. My brpther and sister-in-law took her for her upper GI. She was so nice to my sister in law-the one she is always nasty to. Although I am thankful she was not rude to her-the jury is still out because I know in part it was an act. I hate to have these feeling. There is always hope in the back of my mind that she will change but of course deep down I know that wont ever happen. She told my brother she is going to be a better person. We all have heard that one before. Everyone have a happy and safe Memorial day weekend!

Hi playagrandma - thank you so much for asking after my daughter. I hope your mother's health improves soon, however, you are correct in knowing that her behaviour will not. They know exactly what they are doing and it's as if they have convinced themselves, and are on a campaign to convince others, that they are right.
I had my mother telling my cousin, her niece, that my brother "has done far more for me than SHE has". You can't even begin to imagine how that hurt.
Why should we be surprised, though, when these mothers (!! LOL) have played favourites all their lives, and one against the other?
I have often heard it said "sons are idolized, daughters are criticized". This sure is true in OUR cases.....
You'd wonder if they willingly do it to wound and hurt since words are their weapons and so is sarcasm/criticizing. Based on past experience, I am sure that this is true. Also, don't forget that their powers to manipulate are supreme so that fact that she is favouring your sister-in-law - they go where the sun shines for them.
Your statement "she is getting the attention she thinks she deserves" clues me in that you are well onto her narcissism!!
I wish you all the best and thanks again :o)

I do want to clarify one thing about my nm playing favorites. My sister and I have always felt she favored our brothers-she has never been able to get along with any females and we are included in that. However her favorite no doubt is the youngest-her baby. However even with him, they have had some major arguments. What holds this family together in spite of her-is that we are all on the same page-we have each others back. We actually feel sorry for the baby brother cause her expectations are high concerning him. I am sure the boys dont understand all this narisstic stuff but they know her and we all deal in the way we all think is best for us.

I have a younger brother too, who will not permit/tolerate her meddling and constant questioning and fishing expeditions for information about his personal life. If you have read anything about narcissism you will understand about the triangle - she puts herself at the top of the triangle, and my brother and I are at the opposite corners. They are very careful in what they elicit from each of us and what they reveal to the other - they also delight in carrying bad/sad news.
So if one sibling is doing very, very well, they are careful not to convey that to the other one, to protect them.
This is a very complex game they play and their "prize" is to be at the top and be privy to any secrecy or private info. My sibling got so fed up that he moved 200 miles away, changed his phone number and barely spoke to either of us in 12 yrs. That was very hurtful to me but I recognize that he is also a damaged person. He has clicked onto her games tho.
Don't feel too sorry for the brother - even though she is expecting a lot from him I bet she sees him as the "golden child" so he will be protected by her from the rest of you (this is how she sees it, not my opinion). If you can stick together that is great because you will all need each others' support.

Libracat...your daughter's prognosis is not the one I had hoped to hear, but as said by you, the one that is in God's hands. Has she ever tried Visual Mind Healing? Oh and thanks for the insight regarding NM's reasoning abilities. It helps boost my tolerance levels when coupled with understanding.

Hi again ASympathiser, are you Canadian or English? Because you spell "sympathizer" with an S!! LOL
Not the answer I was hoping for either but we do get the one we need at the time.......and time will give us yet another answer in Sept. Thanks again for your concern.
I know that she does see a naturopathic every so often.
I honestly think that in the NM's case, age, narcissism and probably late-onset dementia account for their weird reasoning (or lack of it). Mine makes the most astounding conclusions out of her observations and they are VERY hard for me to follow - and not laugh at. If I go against or don't understand what she is saying she can become verbally abusive so I tend to play along. I could get "I thought you were smarter than that" "Don't be such a smart alec" "You sure can be stupid when you want to be" Nice, huh?

Libracat...actually, I'm an aussie (born of the Queens english)...LOL
Ouch! That's not nice you poor thing!
I'm the only one who bothers taking care of my mother so I get the "where have you been" or the guilt-trip one "nobody's visited, nobody has rung me, nobody cares or someone dah...dah.." ...knowing that "nobody & someone" could only ever be me. Dearest sister would rather spend her money on bus fares to go to circus's, concerts or shopping trips then bus it over to her mother's place to help her out. My mother has been in her unit for a year now and up until 2mths ago, my sister had never been to her home. Even then she dragged along her daughters for a brief stay before heading off for another shopping spree. If I mention my sister's lack of input, our mother immediately defends her.

Hi there in the land of "Oz".......I know exactly what you are talking about. It's all us, because no one else would want the rotten job of listening to all the beefing and complaining.....or do the running after.......or the phone calls and appointments......etc. etc. etc. but guess who will be the first one with their hand out whan the will is read??
What I get is "Oh I think I'll call Blanche today but she'll probably be out ....she has four boys and they do EVERYTHING for her......." She has told my cousin that my brother has done far more for her than I ever have - REALLY? He never calls her, she calls him, as often as she can. He doesn't come to see her except for maybe 2x a year, he might come and take her to his house for a holiday dinner and then bring her back in about 3 hrs. He makes sure to send birthday and mother's day cards though. So your "dearest sister" is my "dearest brother" -- if you have read the info on narcissism you will be familiar with what they call the "golden child". And that's why they defend them!
If I make the tiniest comment to her about "your son" - ie he doesn't call, he doesn't come over, etc., or do anything for you or pay toward your support, she jumps on that lika a Mexican jumping bean......I'll get "oh he's probably gone up north for the weekend" Oh really? Must be nice to have a life. Or it will be "well he works and you don't." Is that right? Who does EVERYTHING for her? and keeps this house running? and does all the meals and laundry?
I could go on but it is futile......they will have sympathy for the golden one but not for you. If I dare to say I'm tired, or make a complaint, "You shouldn't have bought such a big house.....you'll need to be working all the time" "I told you you don't need to babysit your granddaughter, especially for free"
WHY are these issues her business? Because she makes them so, that's why! And because her opinion counts more than anyone else's!! Now THAT'S narcissism!!

PS I'm in Canada - guess the s and z is a Commonwealth thing! LOL

wow after reading these messages about the goldend child-I guess I need to take a reality check. It always been obvious that our baby brother is the golden child but he does do things for her as we all do. Plus in many ways he has taken the worst of the worst even though he still is her favorite-something as she has admitted more than once-thats her baby. Where I get upset is when she tells others if it wasnt for him, she dont know what she would do or she will tell me he is the only one she can count on when my other two brothers had just been there. Those two take her shopping and let her run errands. The favorite gets her every monday and takes her to dinner. Not because he is this great son but because his wife is a hairdresser and works late on Mondays-he need to eat and is only 10 minutes away. But all five of us chip in when we can-we all understand her game and thus I know how greatful I should be after I hear horrible stories from others. By the way for years I did resent my baby brother-I am 14 years older and was terribly jealous when I was younger of him but no more. He didnt ask for this title and would be happy to give it to one of the others.

They WANT us to resent the Golden Child - that is part of their plan - so that they can use and manipulate him/her against you and the others. You need to read about the "triangle" in narcissism that they create, and will all become clear.
Sometimes it takes us a while before we realize what is actually going on. I didn't need to read anything til my later years, since the whole family knew that only a boy was wanted, so at an early age I figured out that I might have been some kind of a mistake, and unwanted.
Plus, since my mother regaled anybody and everybody about the "nightmare of a labour" she went through, what they did to her was a crime, they let her go too long, etc. it didn't take a rocket scientist that she resented me from the beginning.......add that to the great rapport and joke-sharing sense of humour that I had with my father, and it was the perfect set-up for her and her narcissistic behaviour.
She has also told my two daughters that "I never wanted any children, I was forced to have them" (crap with a capital "C") and she told my older daughter that she was her favourite. This is classic N behaviour. Poor me, I'm the victim.....and you are better than your sister. ((GAG))
Since my sibling was almost 10 years younger than me he felt like a stranger to me, but that didn't stop her from using me to babysit and watch him all the time. I resented that, and him. I have consequently had a difficult relationship with him all my life and it is complicated by the fact that we are both damaged, damaged by her and her control, manipulation, conditioning and behaviour.
I'm sixty now, and she still treats me like a child -- HER child! To try to control and to get what she wants from me - complete compliance and servitude!!

Also - I have learned that the way that we answer their million questions a day is crucial: my mother will "couche" her real question with another question which forces you to divulge the truth or the answer she wants to hear - she never asks anything straight out, which I hate.
Example: I bring in her dinner tray - teriyaki glazed salmon, stir-fried vegetables, scalloped potatoes, tea & dessert (pretty good, right?) Her question is "Are you having this for supper too?" The REAL question is: Are you having the same thing for supper that I'm getting or something else?"
Another: as I take in the breakfast tray: "Are you going to have some coffee?"
REAL question: "Did you already have your coffee? That means you got up earlier than I did so you could have yours before I got MINE......" It's always a fact-finding mission or a fishing expedition.
These aren't the greatest but here's one from today: how you answer will help save your sanity. The comment: "You're in and out that bathroom like it has a revolving door on it! Why do you need to go to the bathroom so much?" OK, first of all why is it your damn business anyway? Second, my usual answer to this (because I've been asked it maybe 125 times) is - I drink a lot of water. That meets with skepticism or a "you must have diabetes - you need to get that looked after" Oh you mean run to the dr., for every little ailment like you do?
So I tried addressing it with "Why are you making that your issue?" Or "I don't think that's any of your concern" or "Why would you possibly be interested in how many times I go to the bathroom?"
But when you do try those kinds of answers, you are belittled or criticized, or met with every defense she can come up with to put the onus on you.......you should only see how angry she gets when her best friend won't tell her where she has been, or other personal details.
You see, because of their haughty opinion of themselves, and their huge sense of entitlement, they honestly believe that they are privy to everyone else's business and have a RIGHT to know everything..........mine has to know where everyone is ALL the time and what they're doing!
NOTHING is sacred with these people!

How do you get over the guilt after setting limits with this type of mother? My mother lashed out and accused me of all sorts of cruel things. She did not take it well. I am standing firm and she is not talking to me now. She is alone in the world and I feel guilty about that. I feel so sad for her. But she was invading my family and our well being for 10 years and my entire life. I just feel sad. I see her as this unhappy person and no one to take care of her. But the burden she placed on me was destroying me. The guilt, the fear. I never once spoke up to her because what she would say in return shattered me. I was hurt for so long and I don't want to hurt her in return. I did not set out to hurt her, just ask for some limits on what was acceptable for me to tolerate from her. She was always telling me she had a new illness and it might be the end. She never approved of my family or the way we raise the children. She always stressed me out when she would come over because I would need to cover for her so my husband would not know what mean or cruel thing she had done. It was so stressful. Why do I feel so sad and guilty? She never feels guilty for anything she does to me. She just thinks whatever she say is fine and correct, even though it hurts me deeply. But for me to hurt her by setting limits is only hurting me worse. She used to text me on ways she heard of to kill my dad. She would get angry when I would not respond. Now he is passed and she is giving me even more of the cruelity of what she always gave both he and I.

timber, let your mother's reactions fall where they may and let her own her emotions and deal with them herself. It sounds like you've been absorbing her emotions into yourself as if they were yours and yours to fix for a long time.

10 years is a long time in hell to allow someone like her to invade one's family. I know for my wife did that in relation to her own mother which made me feel less than married and more like a single parent. After my 10 years in hell, I was burned out from being so patient and frankly too good of a Christian. I set some boundaries with my wife concerning her mother since she would not set any boundaries about her mother. It was tough, but over time and with some therapy life did get better. I'll say this from that experience. You and your husband need to become a united team in having boundaries with your mother. How in the world has he tolerated her?

My wife used to try to explain her mother's behavior until she started treating our children like she had done to her and her twin sister as a child. One thing she needed and you may need to was getting therapy to learn to detach from her codependent enmeshement with her mother and get some freedom from those buttons of Fear, Obligation and Guilt that her mother placed in her long ago as a child.

Your setting limits on her hurts in part because you have not used your emotional boundary muscles and they are sore from having to work. Don't give up the battle to get your freedom and your family their freedom by these boundaries. Your mother has trained you to feel responsible for how she feels and covering for her to hide her meanness from your husband shows how enmeshed you have become. Thus, another reason it hurts it the pain of separating yourself from her. Not having boundaries with someone like her only serves to enable their behavior. Plus, boundaries are not as much about changing them as it is about protecting you.

You did not make your mother the way she is. You can't change or fix her. Nor can you control her. All you can really do is choose a healthier path for yourself via boundaries and let the rest fall where it may while you stay the course of your healthy boundaries.

Please hold fast to your boundaries. Know that you have done nothing wrong. Go and see a therapist to free yourself from those buttons of fear, obligation and guilt (F.O.G.). I wish you well.

Did you ever report your mom's texting about ways to hill your dad? She should have been reported for that definitely sounds like someone who is a danger to others. You are dealing with a very sick and mean person who wants to absorb you into their darkness and she will destroy you and your family if you let her.

Libracat, I just have to respond to the comments about your mom's labor. I couldn't believe my eyes when I read this. I heard from the time i was old enough to remember what a horrible labor and delivery Mom had with me. How much it hurt, how she almost died, yada, yada. Told me, and I quote, "I don't care if you ever have kids, it hurts too much." Now, imagine the affect this would have on a teenager.

Well, I had three kids, two were twins. Did great, good attitude and thank God everyday I did.

These coconuts do not care what they say or do to their children. Just amazing.

Yes, it's all very crushing over a lifetime. My younger sister, by 17yrs, was also told by NM that her being born was only by stipulation to her dad that he would raise her if he wanted a child. My sister never told me that till recently and I am 60yrs old as well. I felt really scattered for her and her growing years as an only child (even though NM sees her as the 'golden child'). She has the title of "poor Meg". I cannot count the number of times I've told my mother to stop viewing her as "poor" anything.
Reading Omagnum's post brings to mind a time decades ago when once I stood up strongly against NM, but as most would know, the grating wears one down to the point of realising it's all just a big waste of energy. These days I take a deep breathe and walk away. I refuse to fire back and add more amunition. NM is not stupid and knows when I'm upset with her.

Right on! Do not mirror the narcissist's emotions right back at them with a reaction for that only fuels the fire. Often choosing to respond by not commenting is more powerful than anything that you could say.

As I agree there is no sense arguing with them it will just get nastier -a narcissist will have to get in the last word-I know my Mother does not love me and never has-she remarked one time to my aunt that she must have done a good job being a mother because the four of us turned out ok-I was speechless and in those days tried not to ruffle feathers so after my mouth fell open said I guess instead what was on the tip of my tounge-not sure I would say the same thing now cmag has helped me remember how it really was and I have stoped trying to get her approval-frankly it is not important to me now and she still is very angery.

Hi everyone, hope you've all been well.
I've got the classic example of narcissistic mother for you - forget about all my other postings, this one tops the bill!!
On Saturday morning, I fell off my stepladder (while trying to fix my mother's bedroom curtain) and broke my left leg. My mother was in her room at the time and the minute I hit the floor, it was "Oh what have you done now!! You better get in the shower before everything stiffens up!" I could not stand, walk, or move and had to use her cane to shove myself up the hall and into my bedroom where I had to somehow climb up onto my bed.
Because my younger daughter and husband were at Saturday services I had to call my older daughter (the pregnant one with the toddler) to come and, because it was lunchtime for my mother, I called 911 to come and take me to the emerg and then my daughter went to get my mother some lunch at a nearby coffee shop. I had already gone to the hospital and when my daughter returned here, she found my mother snooping around in my bedroom. Later I asked my mother what she was doing in there and of course she denied it and said, I don't know what you're talking about.
She then said to my daughter "Well thanks for getting me in trouble!" So there you go, lack of responsibility or blame for looking around, and unwillingness to admit that she had been doing something wrong, then putting the onus on my daughter. She not only was annoyed that my daughter had told me, she was furious at being caught at it!!
I didn't get back from hospital til 8 p.m. that night. By then my mother had started to resent that the limelight was off her and started worrying unneccesarily about herself. I think she started realizing that she was going to have to do more on her own, and do without the "services" that I provide.
Not to mention the fact that we were all regaled with horror stories of when she broke her wrist and foot, oh that was just horrible, I don't know how I got through that ordeal, etc. etc. etc.
Sunday my younger daughter came at 8 a.m. with a variety of breakfast foods and coffee. She stayed all day doing various jobs such as washing dishes. Next thing you know, my mother has her twisted around her little finger, oh dear, would you mind getting me this? I can't reach it.....Do you think you could make me this for lunch? That would be so nice to have.....on and on and on and I blew my stack at my daughter - I thought she was there to help ME - but, oh, no, there is my mother, manipulating the situation, doing everything she can to get the focus back on "poor her" and getting everyone to run around after HER!!
My daughter just doesn't have a good grasp on the fact that her grandmother is the queen of narcissists and - get this - you'll love this one:- yesterday there was a program on about the queen's upcoming jubilee and they showed a picture of her; my mother's comment was "I can't tell you how many people have told me I look just like her"............I told you before, she's got Queen Elizabeth Syndrome!!
Also I had quite a few comments: "Don't forget I have a dr. appt. this Monday" "You'll need to renew all my medications this week" OMG it is just endless and it's like no one else exists! But see, in her world, nobody else DOES!! Only her!
Last night I was trying to manoeuver my way up the hall on my crutches and as I passed my mother's room, there she was, lying on the bed with her hand clutching her chest, with a big grimace on her face - I asked her what was the matter and she said "Oh - it's the pain - the pain" Nothing specific, mind you - it's just, why should you be in a worse position than me, mine hurts worse than yours; it's all selfishness and demanding to be the one who needs the most care.
If ever I needed an eye-opener about her narcissism this was it. I called to tell my sibling what happened to me and how she was behaving and the comment was "well, you've always known what she is like". Sorry - that does nothing to help me. Except to wind back the hands of time and remember when either of us got hurt or had to go to the hospital, and the "terrible nuisances and inconveniences" we were to her. But if she got hurt somehow - the sky fell.
I am getting more and more frustrated with her behaviour. I almost wish she had dementia because maybe then she would forget about HERSELF!!