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Also I to have noticed the narcissistic tendencies that Dickens writes about. Masterpiece Theatre last Sunday was the Old Curiosity Shop. The father deserted the family and the gambling addicted grandfather took over raising the children. The young girl finally died rather than continue living with her black hole relations.
There is enough other stuff going on in the world-- like politics and international upheaval--to stress us out. If each of us could make our own world more peaceful, perhaps it would seem the world was at peace.
Thanks again, Tilda, for your calming perspective. We need it here:) xo
Have you ever watched a top spinning, watched it randomly travel, and you wonder when it will stop and where it will land? Or flames burning in a fireplace?
It is something we can observe, but we cannot direct. We are detached from it.
There comes a time we must finally see people in a new light. There is no arguing with a crazy person, a drunk, or someone with dementia. It is not an equal argument. What is the point, anyway? They don't realize there is something wrong with them, but we do. Try to grasp this. Maybe take a day and force yourself to NOT respond, react, argue, or figure it out. See how you feel at the end of the day. Learn to say: Oh Well. You are on a carousel and it's not going anywhere but around. Jump off. You can do it. Form a new habit with your well-being at heart.
After reading many of these posts, I've learnt to not let it bother me as that is what they want, they want you to feel bad.
I will need to call them before we leave, should I act as if nothing has happened and that I'm happy about our trip, make it sound like her attitude never effected me? What if she still gives me the "cold" treatment?
At times my inside voice wants to say "when you are over your hissy fit we can talk then"....I'm beginning to realize that you can't reason with a narcissist, but is there any way to "put them in their place to show that they are acting like kids??" Or am I just asking for more trouble??
It helps to know that the traits you see do occur over and over with other people as well. So it is not just your Mom's funny personality but a real personality problem or disorder. And finally, you will learn there is nothing you can do about it but learn to deal with it yourself in several ways.
It is maddening and frustrating. I have lived in disbelief for many years with the reactions and lack of empathy my mom has shown me. I am no closer to making her change today than I was five years ago when our problems came to a head. But, I have changed and for the better. I am emotionally disengaging. You will learn about that too. And yes, after time, you will find it easier and easier to do. Take care.
I should know better. There are no excuses. I've lived around this narcissist over 60 years. Anyway when I got the checkbook out to pay the bills yesterday I saw that the yardman had been writing checks for her. I was deeply hurt and let her know. She of course told me it was her checkbook and she could do what she wanted with it.
I felt like my soul was damaged and I needed to heal it. I've been that way so many times in my life. I went home and pulled myself together. My dog is loyal and loving. I call him the healing hound. It's funny how an animal can be more loyal than your own mother.
I always talk the good talk about setting boundaries and putting on the game face and then I get blindsided like this. I can never protect myself from her totally. There are always unconscious ties that she can exploit. From experience I know she will probably attempt to capitalize on my vulerability and hurt me more. I expect next week to find that the yardman has already taken care of all the bills.
I need to detach. They are her bills, finances, money. She can do what she wants with all that. This is just another slice off the loaf of my affection for her. I haven't let go completely. How disappointing.
Just having the 2 lines can be enough to intimidate some of the bad guys. They'll know the account is being watched and that they can't clean you out with one trip.