By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Uhm... Elvira and Suddenobvious - since you both are so gungho pro-elderly care who should NOT be sent to NH, etc... Would you be willing to fly here - at your expense - and help me care for my 2 bedridden parents? Since I'm not able to afford to pay you both, can you put it in your heart to work one for day shift and the other night shift so that my parents can remain home? I've had a very difficult time finding relatives to watch for FREE. But, based on your comments here, perhaps, you would like to do so - out of the goodness of your heart? I would really, really appreciate it!
Oh, by the way, my oldest sis who had a nervous breakdown will be moving here soon. She tends to talk to "people who can't see" and stares into space, and laughs out of the blue. So, you may need to be caring for her too. Careful, she may sneakily smoke a cigarette in the bedroom. You must prevent her from doing this because my mom is on oxygen machine.
What do you think? Want to apply your beliefs into action? Airfare is about $1800-$2100.00 roundtrip. But you don't need roundtrip. One-way is fine - about $1300.00.
with a narcissist "No good deed goes unpunished" so you are d*mned if you do or d*mned if you don't so may as well go ahead and do what you feel right about.
Don't worry you will not turn out like her - not a chance!
LOL! that's too ridiculous to even respond to ***
Have a good weekend everyone. Love you all
stick with that, playa -
"I am trying real hard to stay strong-to not let the guilt overtake me. "
and stick with that
The only reason you feel guilty is because she had trained you to feel that way, and that you are responsible for her happiness, which is, incidentally, unachievable. We are brought up to tolerate behaviour way beyond what is healthy or normal - it is abusive.
Take deep breaths and keep reminding yourself of these resolves -
don't give in to her demands, or even her apologies because you know they are not sincere
let your brother deal with her
stay strong and do not let the guilt overtake you.
You have done nothing to feel guilty about . Arousing feelings of guilt in you is her sick way of manipulating you. Remember that narcissists use FOG - fear, obligation and/or guilt to manipulate other to do what they want. It is all about attention and control.
Good for you - rooting for you - hugs and prayers Joan
After 5mths of laying in her bed, growing weaker by the day, my mother decided last night at 2am in the morning that she wanted me to ring an ambulance for her to take her to hospital. Its not as if she hasn't been told for 5mths by everyone involved, that it would come to this. So here I am being woken out of a deep sleep by the phone ringing. She also rang the next-door neighbour. So a quick trip over to her place, ambulance arriving, etc....the paramedic asks her "why ring us tonight and not yesterday, or last week?" Her answer...."Cause I got the s**ts with it all." ahhhh...dahhh..it took 5mths to get to that?!!!!!
So here we are with a lung infection (from lying on a bed for 5mths) and other graver things. later.
Well, guess what! Even my golden-child sister (on her once every 2mth visit) got the cold-shoulder & the sword-tongue on her visit last weekend. Nothing different to what I've been enduring forever! We are all out-of-favour now...except the next-door-neighbour, it seems.
So you see playagrandma...i wouldn't let it bother you none. In these people's eyes, there is NOTHING you do that is done right! ....EVER!!!****
So why is it, I don't have the normal feelings a daughter should have with this news? Why couldn't I bring myself to hug her frail body or hold her hand? I feel so emotionally dead and struggling with my feelings to find that place within me that pines knowing I could lose my mother tonight. :(
I am so upset. I cannot get this woman out of my mind and not with worry but with hatred. I should be concerned about my health and I am. I have high blood pressure and this dont help at all. My middle brother is going to go talk to her today. I worry about him. He is lupus and crohns and stuck in a teaching job with inner city kids. None of us know what to do anymore. Do we just give in or continue the tough love knowing it wont do a damn bit of good. Any help here would be greatly appreciated. Thank goodness I am not near her right now and I have my grandson-we are taking him to a movie and for pizza today.
Thanks everyone for allowing to vent. And have a great sunday funday.
You mentioned two options: "Do we just give in or continue the tough love, knowing it do a damn bit of good."
For what it is worth, here is what I would suggest. Just safe yourself. That's all you have the power to do. It's not about giving in and it's not so much about tough love. It's about extricating yourself from the mental illness of another who wants you involved in her nightmare.
You can't change her and you can't save your brother. I hope he will save himself too, but you can't do that for him. You can, however, be a voice of reason to him when he can no longer cope. He has a better chance of coming back to reality than your mom will ever have.
I hope you have caller ID and can choose which call to answer when you are at home. Maybe you can block her phone number so you no longer can receive voice mail messages from her. I don't know if it is realistic to disconnect your answering machine. I know we are all so dependent on our devices, but please try to find a way to lessen her ability to manipulate you.
My heart goes out to you and I realize it isn't easy. Best regards, Cattails
I'm very angry at my sister for not putting in more effort to help me. Even our brother stepped forward to help out more and he hasn't even spent time with Mum for years. I'm angry that I've been made executor to both my mother's and my brothers Will's which left me with using up all my bereavement time, annual holidays for the year & sick leave on sorting out family instead of myself. I have nothing left for me and have a house full of my family's things to go through yet and get rid of. My sister was supposed to help me there, but have not heard a word from her in over two weeks since our mother's death. I haven't had much time to grieve, with having to go back to work. I'm just ANGRY at all of this! I wish I could just get passed it. It's not something I want to hang onto.
Sorry to hear of your dilemma's Playa. I feel for you! I know that deep down you are hurting.
(((((((asymp))))) I hear you - too much to deal with, and not enough time and energy for it, or, more importantly for yourself. I am glad your brother has stepped in to help. I am sorry you have had to use up all your time off this way. I share your anger at having to "mop up the messes". I still have things of mothers to sort and get rid of from her first move to an ALF. My own health issues got in the way of me dealing with them.Then she moved again, and set herself up in a 2 bedroom apt (in an ALF) with almost entirely new things, so when the time comes I will have another set of belongings to dispose of. Like yours, my sister is of no help, I hope your sister does come around once she is over the initial shock of your mum's death. Having someone to help is invaluable. Getting past the anger is a good goal. I asked my counsellor how I could do that. We haven't discussed it again as other things have come up. Sharing here helps, and I thank you for beng frank about your feelings. I find sorting mother's things is not easy. My kids don't want anything, I don't need anything more, and there are limited resources in this town for even giving things away, and I don't feel right about just tossing something that could be used by someone else. Let me know how you do.