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My father has been diagnosed with this dementia (though I am relieved that so far, he has not exhibited any of the inappropriate social behaviors or decrease in empathy that some people with the disease experience). But while I was researching the disease, I read stories of FTD patients laughing and telling jokes at funerals, mocking people in tears, and becoming otherwise unable to connect, relate to, or empathize with other people ... or, therefore, to reach out to or comfort them.
I don't know if Alzheimer's similarly affects the lobes of the brain that support empathy, but of course, it is possible for a dementia patient to have more than one dementia disease process going on ... so if the person seems increasingly to be unaware of (or uncaring about or possibly even pleased about) the problems of others, keep in mind that it may be another symptom of brain atrophy.
And, of course, it is possible (as indicated in other replies here) for a dementia patient to have a mean or sociopathic streak that pre-dates the dementia.
She also exhibits a very strange and twisted sense of humour if someone else is having a bad day, is upset, or is bothered by something......I think it is one of their defense mechanisms (it's not happening to me, thank goodness! so why should I care?)
If he has always done this then I think it is part of a personality disorder, as in my mother's case. But if he has just started doing this as a part of an Alzheimer's diagnoses then it is part and parcel of that.
The best way to handle it is to change the subject and ignore their glee in the misfortune or accident. If they don't get the reaction they want they go on to something else. It is very disturbing at times but sometimes it helps to pretend that they are a "stranger" -- and not your parent. (ie, you would react differently if a stranger was doing it where as you would if it is your parent).
In my mother's case she always did this, there is a narcissistic component to it, and I think she just liked the attention and reactions she would get, and it gave her importance to repeat these things. Now I just turn a deaf ear!
My mother when she was hospitalized over the last ten years, has made terrible comments in front of people especially nurses etc. who are trying to help her. She thinks it's smart to comment on people's height, ethnicity etc. and does it out loud to make sure they, and others, will hear it. She has never had any boundaries or filters so you don't know what's coming next which is part of her strategy so she can get the upper hand. (and for shock value).
Reading on here about narcissism has helped me a lot. What you'll find is that under a cocoon of smart remarks, grandiose ideas about themselves, major attitude and huge self-entitlement are very insecure "wounded" people -- but they are just clever enough to hide in that and it allows them to carry out their sabotage against others.
These people, to others, are the very best people in the world. I constantly get phone calls telling me what a wonderful person she is -- but they don't have to live with her and her sarcastic remarks about everything on the planet!!
I'm guessing that she wants to appear to be fun and lighthearted, even tho she is not. Like she's trying to be in the in crowd. Or, maybe to feel included and sometimes she laughs so inappropriately....ugh.
I have to try to see her as a desperate, childish person when she does this. I have to withhold my feelings of annoyance. I have to be the grown up. I don't like it.
I only brought home a couple of friends while in school and didn't realize that my mother was insulting them because I was so conditioned to insults. I just knew that nobody ever wanted to hang out with me afterwards.
It took me until nearly age 60 to come to realize all this abusive behavior.
In my case, it is my mother laughing and seeming to enjoy that other people are suffering especially when it comes to finances or women being murdered. Its crazy, but I have heard her blame the women for being in the wrong place or with the wrong person and that is what they deserve.
Has anybody else out there on the forum experienced a parent blaming a female victim for their own murder?
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