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My dad CHOSE to be placed on Hospice Care. He was so grateful to be exiting this world. We spent a lot of time with him, just loving him, talking to him whether he was alert or not. I have a special love of that time, just me and my daddy, talking, not talking, me just holding his hand, watching him slip peacefully into the next world. After so much suffering, this was a huge blessing.
As long as dad is comfortable, and loved, you just let him have this peace. If telling him would upset him unduly, don't do it.
I'm someone who would want to be told. I would want to say what I wanted to say and make sure my affairs were all in order. But a very good friend of mine who was dying of kidney cancer just ignored that he was dying. I think he couldn't face the truth. So everyone is different in how they handle things. That was a learning experience for me. I think we have to honor how each person wants to handle their situation.
I'm very sorry hear about your dad's condition. It is an extremely difficult time. I would try and do what your mom wants. Your dad probably does know but maybe doesn't want to speak the words out loud.
My main regret is knowing my dad was weakened by his stroke but still believing he had years ahead of him. I wished so badly I had asked him more, or told him even that I knew he did his best for his children. That I cared and wanted him to be happy. That I hoped he could forgive me for any of my shortcomings. Take this time to be with your dad and cherish your time with him. Do whatever it takes to make him comfortable and bring him some joy.
Thinking of you and your family. Sending all my thoughts and prayers.
Telling your Dad might cause high anxiety, thus Dad would need meds to calm his nerves, which in turn will make him too sleepy to have any type of conversation. Please don't do that to your Mom, she wants to keep him alert.