By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
but here goes...
If he does not have dementia you can not do anything to his accounts. (Although you might be able to if you are listed as being on the account and can withdraw money. write checks, close the account, things you could do with your own account.)
You say "age related decline" I think once a person starts making bad or I should say poor decisions it begins to move from being age related decline and more to the "dementia" realm. His next medical check should include testing for dementia, most doctors are doing that on a routine basis now if for no other reason but to get a baseline so determine how one changes from year to year.
I also think that you should not be paying for half of the Independent Living or Assisted Living bill. If he does not have the money you should begin the application process for Medicaid now. And keep in mind ANY money he has given to your brother will be looked at closely and may dramatically effect the possibility of Medicaid. Is your dad a Veteran? If so look to the VA for any number of resources as well. This is also a discussion you may have to have with your brother that he may either have to pay back money that was given to him and tell him the "well has dried up" and he needs to find other resources for his cash infusion.
My mother doesn't have dementia but has a mobility disorder that she no longer can do things herself. So I am her POA, and manage ALL her financials...because if not, she would still be giving money away like she's a Rockerfeller! You have no idea how many times I've had to tell her NO to gifts she wants to make!
How do you know that his cognitive skills are intact? Has he had a real workup?
After she moved in, I noticed she couldn't manage her checkbook and was suffering more mental decline than was visible during visits. We went to the bank and had my name added to Mom's checking account. I put a stop to the payments to my brother and explained to her that she'd soon need in-home care and she had to save her money for that as brother certainly would not be able to help. She didn't object much, so I think she knew on some level that my brother was taking advantage of her. Sending him money had just become a habit, like paying any other bill.
Guess what? Eighteen months later, my brother and his wife are managing just fine (though he still complains to Mom about money in every telephone conversation). Mom has been able to treat herself to some clothes and go to the dentist. She has accumulated enough money to cover at least some of her upcoming nursing needs.
Moochers are manipulators, pure and simple. The sooner they are stopped, the better for our parents.
I don’t see why he needs checks.
Sounds like your brother is a bit of a mooch and I’m not sure why you pay half but obviously dad has spending money enough to give to the moocher. I’d say to dad "let me keep Your checkbook safe and to pay bills with and I’ll give you cash for incidentals". Also that he can use a credit card but ONLY if you deem that safe.
On another note, I don’t trust brother. Be sure dad's credit reports are frozen with the 3 credit reporting agencies if you haven’t done that yet. Congress finally made that free. That way brother, nor anyone else can take out loans or steal his identity. Set up an account with social security and the IRS so that those too can’t be used by someone else. There are so many scammers and fraudsters out there. Be sure your dad knows about the scam callers out there and to just hang up. My sister's MIL who is very intelligent was scammed out of 13,000 by a caller. It was unbelievable she fell for it but it happens. If he uses a computer be sure security and firewalls are in place. So much to think about.
If you are having to pay partial support, brother should be stopped entirely.
This has to be causing friction and bad feelings, You should notify the brother in writing, laying out your level of support, and informing him that he is now misusing funds both Dad's and yours. As a first step.
There are other choices, but it might involve accusation of elder abuse.
You should make a ledger of all disbursements ffom Dad to brother
Avoid conservator ships /guardian ships, unless you fully understand consequences.
If Dad is still competent you should update Will Living Trust, POA, and Advance Health Care directive. Before it is too late
If Dad is of sound mind, then sitting with him to figure out his IL expenses without your money is in order. If he isn’t of sound mind, then he won’t be able to be in IL much longer, and his expenses will rise when moving to AL.
See All Answers