By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
It's unfortunate, but being out of the loop often happens with step parents.
Maybe she's having trouble (little dementia?), and forgets how many pills or which pills she's given him? Maybe she needs someone to help her with this.
You might want to ask her if there's anything you can do to help, and start doing those things. Do they need any money? Lots of people say no; you have to hand them the money ~ if you have any extra, even $10, $20. And/or you could just pay for some things to be done. You might offer to take him off her hands a few days by taking him to your home? come over and do things needed? wash their car/s or take them to be washed .. serviced, stay (babysit) with him ..give him what he needs.. so she can go out? and give her a break, .. laundry, cooking (or bring meals), house & yard help, pick up prescriptions? groceries? order groceries? ride to drs? dds? Do they need garbage service to pick up garbage at the door? You could set that up for them. Pay/write their bills? Help with banking? She may need help and feel she has no one to help her care for him or too uncomfortable or embarrassed to ask, or not realize she really needs help, too. People often don't ask for help when they really do need and welcome help. She may be very overwhelmed with his care and trying to care for herself, too.
As you said, you don't want to give her an excuse to spite you by blocking contact and creating a more strained relationship with her. On the other hand, she is taking care of him, though it may not be how you think is best or even is best; she's at least there and helping him so he's fed and not in squalor.
I'd work on trying to help her care for him without interfering, unless it becomes obvious they both need care and then you'll need to work on getting care for both of them. She may be more open with you if you address her needs.
Good luck.
Oh yes . I pay for groceries, bills, anything he wants or needs. But not now. The minute I asked her to explain what she was doing, the class came out and she has not spoken to me since. That is far better than being used. She doesn't see me as "willing to do anything" to see my dad while she drugs him. I said it was wrong and she has a real problem with that. So. We have a problem here. Now that I have the list of drugs.. I had no idea how big the problem was but am glad I now know. :-(
Last month she filled 30 sleeping pills at Wal-Mart and the next day she filled 60 more, same doc, different script. Why they did that.
I removed them from his morning meds and remarkably, it's not easy to know he has anything medically wrong. He's walking every night and is no longer in a stupor during the day. He says he feels the best he has felt in 6 months and it shows. Was a temporary fix.
Thank you so much for all the input and suggestions. Just suffice to say, I have followed all of them in the process. I am too kind hearted and was probably too willing to do whatever was needed. All that did was teach her that she could use me. She still won't give up control.
Here is the latest:Thank you. Yes. My sister and I called the MD. The SM has dropped her POA on all the docs so they won't speak to us but we documented and sent everything to her.
Last month his wife filled 30 sleeping pills at Wal-Mart and the next day she filled 60 more, same doc, different script. Why they did that... We got the records. My sister calls it chemical restraint. She actually fills 5 types of antidepressants/ssris.
I snuck in and removed them all from his morning meds and remarkably, it's not easy to now know he has anything medically wrong. He's walking every night and is no longer in a stupor during the day. He says he feels the best he has felt in 6 months and it shows. Was a temporary fix but I needed this relief.
My dad has NO clue why he is suddenly doing so well. The wife is pissed but there are so many pills, she hasn't figured out the sleeping pills have been removed. We are going to take further action. But the stress and worry, I am taking a breath and just enjoying the relief of having these few weeks where he is doing and feeling great. I realize that we still have to do more...
The Doctor can’t reveal details about your Dad, but he should always be open to hearing from family if there are problems. Call him ASAP. Good luck.
The doctor is the one over prescribing. And I dont doubt she will be investigated when I finish and file a report with the medical board.
Thank you
Please see my update above.
Thank you.