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The fact that he wants to go home is almost universal. Two things to remember. One is that you really cannot safely take care of him at home alone, so there is no option. The other is that you can be a better wife to him if you aren't totally exhausted by all of his care needs. You can visit him somewhat refreshed because you can have a life of your own, and you can get some rest.
One more thing to remember, depending on his stage of dementia, is that he may actually want to return to a childhood home he remembers. We don't always know what they mean when they say "home." Please don't let guilt get to you. Remember that you have done your best for him and that you still are. He needs more care than you can give alone. Keep in touch with us. Other caregivers will really understand.
Carol
It has been the hardest decision that I have ever made, the pain and guilt is excruciating but it has to be done. Thank you for your posts... I am so glad I am not on my own.
I am a professional artist who has painted around the world, but I just don't seem to have that creative fire in me right now. I sure wonder when I will straighten up. I don't have a circle of friends, never had time to join a club, nor really wanted to. My college friends are not nearby. I do email daily. That keeps my grey matter stimulated, at least. I don't have much interest in visiting him and feel some guilt about that. When I do visit, (he's 3 mi. from here) he's always pleased, but never upset, so I am fortunate. Thanks for the space to comment.
In a safe, comfortable setting, and perhaps with the help of appropriate medications, your husband's quality of life may improve. That doesn't mean the disease is getting better ... but that the people around him are getting better at treating him. That is a good thing, and greatly to be desired and worked for.
I don't know whether he understood exactly who you are when he saw you in the NH, but he obviously knew you were a good person, and a person he was glad to see. You can continue to be that for him, and to be his advocate for the best possible care, no matter what the disease does to him.
My heart goes out to you. This is a terrible journey.
By the way, early in my husband's dementia, he constantly wanted to go home. He'd pack his bag and wait by the door. He'd ask if it was time to leave yet. He'd ask when the cab was coming. Over and over and over he'd tell me he wanted to go home. And he was home! He was in the house we'd lived in together for the past 14 years. He slept in his own bed, watched his familiar television set, etc. etc. So the fact that someone with dementia wants to go "home" may not mean exactly what you would mean if you said it.
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