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I also thing that people who are dying don't want to suffer. They are comforted by actions taken to make their passing peaceful. Sometimes, those with breathing issues benefit from a morphine drip that helps reduce the panic they feel when they can't get enough air. Don't be afraid to use it.
My friend's husband was dying of cancer. He had a difficult night, hadn't slept well and knew the end was near, and in the morning told his wife that it was time to start the morphine drip. He died later in the day. He wasn't elderly, but was very aware of the progression of his illness and had been through so much.
Sometimes the elderly are not able to be as clear as my friends husband. So they need us to help them pass with comfort and compassion.
I hope my words have given you some guidance or insight. God Bless You for caring and wanting to help your relative. Your compassion is worth more to your relative than anything. Be an advocate for him/her, if you can. Hugs, Cattails.
Also, our editors wrote an article that will help you know what to say to a dying elder.
Words of Comfort: What to Say When Someone is Dying
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/say-to-someone-who-is-dying-148641.htm
Hope this helps,
Karie