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Think you are right about boundaries. It must be some insidious thing that the people who can needle us the most are the closest. Duh I guess, moron in traffic is nothing compared to what your intimates can do to you...
Honestly, I have relatives in my extended family whose darkness could make Darth Vader's look almost like a saint. I will not shed a tear when they die. However, there is another extended family member who's been valient in fighting the darkness of her worship-fullness, queen mommy dearest up close and personal right where she lives as well as overcome cancer and dealt with a needy husband. I hope she outlives her mother by many years, but whenever she dies I will probably cry for 2 or 3 days straight and might need some medication to get me through her funeral She's in therapy and she's reads everything that I've loaned her from my library related to this darkness along with talking hours about this and I think the student has frankly learned better than the teacher. When we are all together in one place we watch each others back because some are still rather weak in dealing with even the less able queen bee herself.
Geography is right. I Can't Stay here. I am starting to look for lake houses out side of the state. All I need is five million bucks...Uh hu...
I know from toxic people, I am pretty good at setting some boundaries, but it seems the closer the people are the harder the boundary is to set.
Very often it takes separating oneself from the geographical environment that keeps producing the germs. I put up with such toxicity from my extended family for years until I said enough is enough, this person (MIL) does nothing but bring down hell on earth when she visits, when she self-invites herself on our every vacation and when we go to her house for the holidays. So, I told my wife that for the sake of my sanity and the boys, my MIL would no longer be allowed in certain places of contact with our family but if she wanted to go visit the source of all mental illness personality germs then that was her choice, but she would do it alone and not with using either or both boys as a shield.
I am gonna beat a dead horse but I do know about hard wiring. I mean really I sit here know it is wrong and will do what ever it is anyhow, knowing better, not being stupid, and I have been in therapy. I guess it is gonna take a while. I believe three are MSW and one is a psychologist...
The chain in my family is thick, very thick. i think I will need a welding tool...
Thus, one of my most repeated comment that support people with the idea of getting a qualified therapist for some face to face support that can actually do the psycho-anaytic work that's not possible online. Frankly, I will not go to anyone or take anyone in my family or suggest anyone to somebody who is not at least a LCSW and even then I look for people with some experience because the sort of issues I and my family members bring to the table are things we don't need some bookish person to cut their therapist's teeth on.
Experience is not always the best teacher because if it were then why would the lessons keep being repeated. If we came from an alcoholic family but keep marrying an alcoholic, then the person needs therapy to find out why they keep falling in the same ditch instead of saying "I'll just give up because there is no one good enough for me." Truly, the apple does not fall far from the tree and carries the seeds of self-destruction by its inheritance and those seeds sprout as well as control us beyond what we know in our heads. Without serious therapy and hard work, such a chain never gets broken and there are many chains in today's families which need breaking.
J you have a lot of good years in front of you. Believe it!
my focus now is suicidal. But nothing will come of it. Just really tired here. Grp had dr ap. no idea, but he is out mumbling at every frickin word on the TV now, mom go this money from the bank...wish i could steal it and just run away....
This is a place where we should find support and suggestions about our problems in dealing with ill relatives. I read many things here that are useful for me, and I am sure you read many things here that were useful for you, I felt less alone in dealing with the problems I have with my mother. Did you feel less alone? I hope so.
This is the only thing that is important to me and I focus on that. It seems to me you have taken many different directions (and you are still doing it. This is another thread that has nothing to do with this site).
I say this FOR YOU. For me, it's not a problem. If I am fed up with hearing people quarrel about God or whatever, I don't read the post and I pass to another one which is more interesting for me.
I will make you an example: If I need to buy an apple, I go to a fruit seller and I buy an apple. But if you (Jsome) go to a fruit seller and you ask for a steak, or a bycicle, or a washing machine, 1) you will not find it 2) the fruit seller will ask you: Why don't you go to another shop? I sell fruit, here, and he finally will get angry if you insist 3) You will miss the opportunity to eat the apple!
Which is basically the reason why you went into that store.
I think I have told you what I wanted to tell you. I'm not against you, but I have not the strength to do more than writing this post! It has taken me half an hour to write it.
There are many people here who are ready to help you, me included (as I am receiving a lot of help!) But you cannot help a person that does not accept the help she is receiving!.
If people want to leave this site, it's their choice, whatever is their opinion, whether are religious or not religious.