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One thing I have learned is the importance of sex to these old men. Yes you know he is incapable and don't want to touch him or have him touch you anyway. BUT and this is a big but sex has a very calming effect and is definitely a mood improver and stress reliever. Now I am not suggesting you jump into a little black lace number and leap into bed that just aint going to happen right? It could be to your advantage if you could facilitate an orgasm for him. Do an internet search for sex toys and see what you can come up with. If you are very brave put on dark glasses and a wig and visit the closest sex shop. The workers will be very polite and helpful if you can describe the problem. After all they want to sell you something and they won't do that if they laugh at you. Failing all that if you can help him out manually (lights out blinds drawn TV on if you like) you may be very pleasantly suprised at the change in his attitude. it will give you power and you won't feel so helpless when he is abusive. Just my thoughts.
Take time for yourself whenever you can--it's what I keep telling myself!
Best of luck with everything.....
Caregiving to someone you love is hard, caregiving to someone who is abusive is really, really hard, just because he is sick does not mean you have to take the abuse - set your limits and stick to them - you owe that to yourself. Take care the journey you are on is a tough one - he may never respect you - but you can respect yourself. If you feel that you need outside help - get it .... at one point you are going to have to have it - and you might as well just do it. Good luck.