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You might get some surprising information and leverage by obtaining a criminal background check on her, too. Again, attorney can advise and facilitate this.
Good luck to you!
We have the invoices, but the only problem is that the brother has signed some of the checks to her. He has also recently signed a check to her for a weeks full of work when she did not work a single day. As for the POA, my husband and I have not be able to find the POA papers, yet we are always being told by the brother that he is the one with all the power; he never shows us the papers though.
We have tried to give Sue a contract, but she either ignores us, refuses to sign it, or she tells the brother who then yells at us for trying to make her sign one. I'm not sure what to do about this.
As for the rift, it is already there because the brother laid his hands on my husband because Sue decided to run to him after we tried to fire her the first time, so I am not concerned about that. We went to the police about that issue as well, and they were of no help.
Do you have a contract with her outlining the care expectations, services to be performed, hrs worked per week, etc? If not, maybe all should draw one up, reviewed with attorney and then get signed, that way you can have some protection for dad and caregiver is clear on job expectations.
I know she is trying to worm her way in, but you need to get this taken care of immediately. If you can't fire her, your only recourse is to call adult protective services to investigate. Beware, this will cause an irreversible rift in your relationship with uncle.
Then you may have to go to court to establish guardianship, conservatorship to protect dads well being.
My husband and I are the only two who are in the house when Sue is working which causes a problem with us because we can't leave the father in-law by himself before she gets here (normally at 4pm) and we are scared to leave Sue with him by themselves.
You and your husband are right. Sue has gone way past the boundary of professional ethics. If you're able to get rid of her through her agency I think you're in for a hell of a pickle if she becomes an in-law. You and your husband are going to have to do what Sue was unable to do: Draw the line between personal and professional. Professionally, get rid of her. Complain to the agency. And then steel yourselves for the time when she becomes family. Hopefully you will have hired a wonderful new caregiver by then through a reputable agency.
I hate stating this on this site but I am a home healthcare nurse (I also cared for my dad in my home for 5 years. He died a little over a week ago). I work for a wonderful, ethical agency and would be fired so fast in this situation that my head would spin. We're not all like this. I take my job very seriously, I give my patients 100%. There are boundaries and lines we don't cross but there are people who do. Just know that not everyone is like Sue. Not everyone insinuates themselves into the private lives of their patients. I work hard enough doing what I'm supposed to be doing that I couldn't give a rat's patootie what my patient's finances are. As long as I continue to get work and a paycheck I don't care who pays for what. I take my 'orders' from whoever hired my agency. Sometimes it's the daughter of my patient. Sometimes a spouse of a patient. It doesn't really matter to me as long as it's made clear to me what my responsibilities are for that patient, during that shift. And once I'm off work (usually a 12 hour shift) I don't care what goes on when I leave. When my agency signs a new client our Director of Nursing (DON) makes a home visit. Among other reasons, to make sure the job is doable for the nurse (me) and to make sure the environment is safe for the nurse (me again). If something makes me uncomfortable on a job I am welcome to call my agency to discuss it, 24/7. If I don't want to take a particular patient I don't have to. If I don't want to go back to a particular house I don't have to. My agency takes care of it's staff and in return we have a great staff and great patients. Of course, some patients are easier/nicer than others. Some families are easier/nicer than others but if I ever stuck my snout in where it didn't belong with a patient I'd be fired in a second. And if I see that the family is tired or the spouse is tired I throw in a little TLC for them too, on the house. Just some emotional support to let them know I understand how difficult their situation is.
Again, I'm so sorry you got a person like Sue enmeshed into your family. She's way out of line and should have quit before getting involved with the brother. She should be paying more attention to her patient and fixing him nice meals, making him feel as if he's in a restaurant instead of throwing a Vienna sausage onto his plate. This really burns me.
Have faith. There are reputable, ethical, caring people out there and they work for reputable, compassionate services.
Thank you for answering!
Contact an elder law attorney ASAP. Maybe one of the Experts on Aging Care will see this and have a better answer.