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From the male perspective this is a tough one. Bringing an intimate partner home is probably a bit premature at this point. You need to meet someone first right? I am sure it is difficult to get out right now so you may want to consider on-line dating services first. These services help you get clear not only on who you are but also what you're looking for in a man. It is also fun when replying to suitors and is a great distraction and self-esteem builder.:-) Frankly, unless you're looking for a one night stand you will need to put in the time; to find and meet a decent guy and then get together for coffee, lunch or whatever outside of your home. Oh and you may want to withhold the fact that "Mom is camped out in your living room" for at least a few dates or longer.:-) Bottom line, is you deserve to have a life too. It will take time and some planning to make it happen.
Having a wife with Alzheimer's, I can see what you are going through and the internal conflicts the situation generates....wanting to have a loving and intimate relationship with my wife almost makes me feel like a "child molester" as she is almost in that state.....
But I have discovered recently how much of the fullness of life has slowly disappeared for me over the last couple of years....the discovery came when, out of a clear blue sky, I met a woman who is single and we simply started with conversations, which grew very quickly to deeper and deeper discussions about philosphy, religion, politics, history, the arts, etc. etc. She desires but will not allow a closer physical relationship as long as my wife at least knows me and who I am.......my only point here is that it is possible to have that deep connectedness with another without (sadly) any sex involved.....these explorations and relating to each other have almost taken over my life outside of care giving and I can tell you it is exilerating and given me a new reason to keep going...
As a man, I can tell you I would certainly feel comfortable with what you are suggesting....and, having had a great amount of feedback on that very situation in the last several months, there are NO moral or ethical judgments to be levied on you or for you to internalize.....Guilt And Shame = GAS; it needs to be regularly expelled, so go ahead and burp and whatever to get rid of it !
You deserve a full and rewarding life too....go for it !
What I have decided is; if the man really cares for you, then he will not care and want to help you. Be your knight in shinning armor. If he truly cares; he will want to help you out, and love you for being an amazing person for being a caregiver. That is what you are. You are amazing and awesome for taking care of your Mom. Any man should be honored to have you in their life.
God bless you for what you are doing. Good luck!
Like Knimrod, I have a positive experience with a partner who adds to the quality of my life and my Dad's life. In July, Dad came to visit and I realized that he was no longer safe living on his own. He has mild dementia and some balance issues. I am a full-time student ("mature") in a long distance relationship. I live 750 miles away from my partner. Since I will move back to live with my partner this coming summer, we decided to move Dad to assisted living there in Utah. I can't tell you how helpful my partner has been! He stops and checks on Dad every day. He takes Dad shopping and to the doctor. He has basically adopted my Dad. When I get concerned that it is asking too much of him and want to hire nursing care, his response is, "don't worry. I like your Dad." When I am in town, we take Dad with us whenever feasible.
All of this is to say that part of what you need for someone to be "the right person for you" at this point in your life is someone who will be understanding and supportive of your role as a caregiver. I will tell you that having someone show me how much he cares for me, by caring for my Dad is incredibly attractive. In return, I try to be the best girlfriend I can be. The result is our relationship has grown in spite of the stress.
As a side note, I too met my guy online. We used eHarmony. If you need to stay close to your Mom, it is a good way to get to know people without leaving home. We emailed and then spoke by phone over the period of a couple of months before meeting in person. I think that some guys will run when they hear your situation. That's good. They are not who you need in your life right now.
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