By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I've been caring for her in some form or fashion for 17 years, and as the duties have increased, my life has decreased. I almost have nothing left of my former self - my job, interests, hobbies, friends...all gone now. Some drifted away and others had to be put aside because I have no time to devote to them.
I'm also a hostage in my home unless a sitter is here - I now have 3 who come on various days for a few hours. I use my mother's SS income to pay them. Even with 3 sitters, I'm a prisoner in my own home most of the time. If I even walk out into the yard, I have to take an alarm with me in case she gets up from her chair or bed. It's like being on a leash 24/7.
The "please" and "thank you" are very uncommon. My mother has always had an attitude of sarcasm or "snarkiness" and it triggers the heck out of me.
To answer your question, yes, I think that you should use the amount of her money that you need to pay for more caregiver/sitters. You're doing all of the caregiving work so make no apologies and accept no false guilt.
Peace
Recently my hubby had a medical procedure done at the hospital (outpatient). It took about 3 hours of getting ready, waiting, and having the procedure. He was so nasty and demanding to EVERYONE that I felt I had to go around and apologize afterward. One nurse who helped with the procedure came to get me when he was ready to be rolled out to the car. He said, "Are you the primary caretaker?" I said, surprised, "Yes. How did you know?" He said kindly "You look like it," meaning that I looked exhausted, ground down, sad and despairing, I think. He said he and his sister had the same situation with their father. They could not be with him (both nurses), could not afford official home helpers or assisted living. Finally they found through a friend a young woman and her sister who were immigrants from Central America, intelligent and caring. Latin Americans have much more of a culture of families staying together and taking care of the elderly, and she had already taken care of her own mother and father. They moved in with the nurses and took care of the father for 7 years, until he died. He said they became like sisters to him and cost much less than official home helpers or assisted living. I live in a place with a lot of immigrants and am asking around trying to find such an experienced and trustworthy person who has taken care of someone here until he or she died. We can't possibly afford more than 2 years of assisted living or helper companies, and I don't think hubby will die that quickly, although I well may.
Nice to see your face always. You are indeed bella.
Than stop it!
Try to put up some boundaries and set a schedule that suits you for doctor appointments. My parents about killed me running both of them each week to various doctors.
Please take her poor dog away and get him well cared for. He is a helpless animal and does not deserve to suffer with hunger. If she lives with you I hope some one takes responsibility for the pet.
Do not allow her to be so demanding and run your house.
She needs to be on a schedule that doesn’t include you and your husband constantly doing for her.
Try to limit your time around your MIL. This doesn’t give her the opportunity to give her opinion or hurt your feelings.
You and your husband are letting her control your home and make you feel like hostages. Stop it. Take control.
Since MIL has a difficult personality, consider getting her help from a psychiatrist - geriatric specialty preferred. Also read any of the "boundary books" by Cloud and Townsend to create a plan for dealing with her problem behaviors.
------------------------------------------------
NO!!! It is not wrong! You don't need anyone's approval to make sure her money goes to her care and grown adults do not need an allowance. Since your husband is POA can you make a plan with him to stop paying all the grandkids? He should be very involved, it's his mom.
One other tip: stop having so much vitriol/ hatred towards your MIL. She can't help her condition and she's not doing this on purpose. Yes, you need a break from caregiving but she also deserves to be cared for by people who do not resent her.... and you sound like you hate her.
I do get the impression that you, dkiely, luckily most likely care for a loving, appreciative mother. I hope so. Also, your mother lives alone, so you’re not dealing with her every minute in your home.
I think you’ve never cared for a mean person. And yes actually, some mean people can control themselves, but purposefully hurt others.