By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Are you his only caregiver? If not, does he treat the other caregivers this way?
What is the nature of the things he wants to make you do? Things he can/should do for himself? Things that shouldn't be done at all (like taking too much medicine)?
What are the realistic options for him if you were not able or willing to be his caregiver? Could he get by on this own, perhaps with some social services such as delivered meals or a visiting nurse, etc? Can he afford assisted living facilities? Are his needs such that a nursing home would be appropriate? I'm not sure I would pose these as threats or punishment for his demands, but it might be time to evaluate what the options are and what best serves his needs and yours.
Our father told anyone he could, including his pastor, that my sister abused him and hit him. Of course, the pastor had to investigate and called a meeting of our father, my sister, and the staff of the foster home - within 10 minutes he figured out our father was not telling an accurate story. End of discussion.
If the time comes where you are the designated adult that requires you to care for an aging parent, you need to do some homework, and be prepared to be responsible for someone else. It might not be a good time for you, hard times are a fact right now, and maybe your parent figure hasn't been that great, when they cared for you...the fact is...your it!..."The Care giver"
Have papers signed, and noterized as the legal gardian/conservitor for health care, financial. Check out if they qualify for services. Find out information about adult daycare facilities,or provide living space for your parents in your home or a facility outside the home according to their health care needs, and the costs.
Both my parents moved into my home over a year ago. My dad is a disabled Veteran with Parkinsons, so I am appling for assistance through the VA.right now, and waiting to see if he qualifies. My Mother suffers from alzhiemer's and most the income she receives fron S.S. goes to a Daycare facility. (They only have Social Security) So we have applied for medi-cal
I have to work, (I'm a nurse, on PM's) and my husband is very supportive, and helps out by picking up mom a day care after he gets off work.(AM's)
But both of us are their only support, and I can't bring it to putting them in a convelesant Hospital. I have worked in a couple of facilities, and it's not a happy place. and affordible.
So know, people aren't going to just give you financial help or information just because you are responsible for a parent, and can't afford it...You have to find things out, whats best for you.
But it can work, and even though it's hard, it's the most rewarding thing you can ever do for parents who gave you life.
I feel this site is very helpful...be patent and others will give you the answers you seek...hope I have.
but thats a sorry trade off......
Far too many of us have been threatened by our parents in this manner.
None of us should be manipulated like this for doing the RIGHT THING by our parents.
I would still say to keep a log / diary though. We must protect ourselves even when we know our care is beyond reproach. We never know what they will do in those failing minds.
1) My lawyer suggested that I should let my father call 911 so that he gets the taste of it and might stop using that threat in future.
2) When the officer shows up he or she will examine the situation and might not even file a report, the officer will probably just give some lecture.
3) If the situation warrants filing a report he may do so but only 5% of such reports are serious enough for district attorney to press any charges.
4) Charges of abuse are generally pressed in the case of financial or physical abuse.
5) If the charges are serious enough a restraining order will be placed and he will be taken away to a nursing home or elder facility which also means he loose the privilege of living in comfort of home.
So the bottom line is that if we believe we are not causing any abuse we should not worry about the threat. My father does not have dementia or any other impairment, he is in perfect health.
Until he excepts that he needs help to care for himself, you will need to wait. My father was a strong willed Man, He cared for my mom by himself who suffered from alzhiemers. Both their personal hygiene suffered, bills went unpaid, they had so many cats.The home was run down, and a feces odor.
We had to have an Elder evaluation from the county come to the home to speak to my father. When they determined My father could not care for my mom as well as himself, and my mother suffered a Bladder infection and was hospitalized, we just had a family meeting. It was either, dad and mom stay in a long term care facility (Very expensive, lose everything or move in with me.( I was the only girl and willing too.
I'm a lucky story though...My folks are very pleasent.. Dad is very appreciative. My mother attends Adult Day Care
For your case, maybe a long term facility will be required.
Don;t live in constant threats..you will become ill.
If you have siblings...have a meeting..or they will be on your back and make things ugly as well.
Document EVERYTHING!!!!!
I know it's a pain but you have to cover your backside.
The other alternative is walking away permanently. This may take some legal action on your part (notification letter, arrangements, etc.)
Don't live with threats!!!!!!!
When my sons were teenagers and couldn't do whatever they wanted, they'd threaten to call the ACS and say I was abusing them. The first time I screamed "You're gonna have to make it to the phone!" and grounded them. That didn't work because when you ground your kids you're grounding yourself too. A week later, because I wouldn't let their girlfriends come over to "hang out" while I was running errands, they told me the police was on its way and that I was going to jail. I laughed and said "They're not going to come for me, they're going to come for you and put you in a foster home." The third time, without saying a word, I told them to come with me and took them to a strange building on 161st St. in The Bronx. It was Family Court. When they asked "Papi, what are we doing here?" I told them I was going to fill out some forms so I could turn them both over to the State. They realized I was serious about it, and got scared -- tears and everything. I had no problems after that.
My point? Refuse to be abused, even if it's your father. You're not his maid. (1) Whenever he threatens to call 911, don't say a word and hand him the phone. (2) Get a list of AL and NHs far from your home and ask him which one he'd like to go to -- permanently. Stand firm, don't negotiate your sanity, and enforce your boundaries consistently.
There needs to be an understanding between you, but above all there has to be respect.
Let us know what happens.
-- ED
Don't let your father manipulate you this early on in your care giving role. If he does it now, it will only get worse and you'll REALLY suffer! If he needs help be realistic about it - is it help or company he really wants? If it's company and the help is the sort of thing he could find in assisted living, perhaps that's the best place for him. If this manipulative man were MY dad, I'd never even consider him living with me or any other sibling. Your mental health and family well being is more important! It's very sad, however, it's all his own making.
So many times 'threats' are hollow, but sometimes they are not. Be careful and if Dad lives with you, install a camera that will record his interactions with you.
This may sound like an invasion of "Dad's privacy" but I assure you that the authorities tend to believe a 'sweet old man' (or lady) before most caregivers. I had to document my mother's 'meal's since she would tell anyone that would listen, that she didn't have a THING to eat all day!! LOL When she was with me, she ate more than I did!! But who would you believe, a 92 pound grandmother, or a daughter almost twice her size??? LOL
All kidding aside, this is a serious matter, so try to get to the root of the problem, and see if there is a medical/emotional reason for Dad's threats.