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For example, Getting up from the Love Seat js particularly difficult because she is warm and cozy. First I sit down next to her -cuddle a bit enter her warm cozy world to Come out of it together, ' Then I will slide a hand behind her just a bit to rub her Shoulders. oh-She Likes that! Soon I Can get her to move forward to the edge of the seat So I can rub her lower back. I have her Walker already sitting jn front of her Only once she is fully engaged with me do I initiate standing -but I still don't say it. I may notice something across the room that needs fixed. Or talk about my being hungry And Wanting lunch. Still rubbing her back- Now with my hand at the Small of her back giving a slight pressure out and up with my movements I say "Lets take care of this or that" Then a moment later "Let's do this Now and I Stand my hand Still on her, Generally She Comes right up with me.
So, I've started getting more help but it's the short-term option.
Thanks all and keep in touch!
1) Get sufficient in-home help and in-home equipment to continue to care for your father there. Some of it will be covered by Medicare. Some of it will have to come out of Dad's assets.
2) Place Dad in a facility that can deal with his dementia and also his arthritis. Visit him often. Have breakfast with him before you go off on a job search (and hopefully soon a job) and/or tuck him in at night. Be a loving daughter to him but give up the day-to-day hands-on caring to professionals.
3) Continue trying to do it all alone. Damage your back and damage your mental health. Perhaps come to resent your father and then feel guilty for that feeling!
Late stage dementia usually leads to placement in long-term care centers or hospice houses. It is very difficult to handle effectively at home, and nearly impossible for one person to provide all services needed.
I send you warm wishes. This is a hard job!
I can tell you for sure it hurts, every stinkin joint hurts, you may want to stand and yet your body is not willing to do it. You find yourself sitting there on the edge of the chair counting, 1, 2, 3..pull....and hopefully up I go....then I have to groan because every step hurts!
I too would suggest that you see about getting some in home help. If Dad stays in the same position all the time he will get bed sores, which are horrible to try and heal. I can attest to the fact that it is painful, pills or not!
Good luck and God Bless!
Dad is far enough along that sometimes he really doesn't know whether he's standing or sitting (it seems). He knows to put his arm through an arm hole when helping him dress, but he doesn't even try to button/unbutton clothes any more. I don't like calling paramedics all the time, but thank God the fire station is close by, because I certainly have had to!
Last night a tall neighbor came over to help me get him from the wheelchair (a recent addition to my household items) to his bed. He literally had to hold him up while I changed him.
When I try to roll him on his side in the bed (which does hurt my back), he resists with the force of a much younger man. I know he's afraid of falling, but really, it's not like I've tossed him on the floor! Just the way it is, I hear.
Just trying to buy some time as I job search . . .
Thanks for responding. It's just nice to discuss with those in similar situations.
Assuming he isn't starting a steep decline, ask him how long he plans to live. Tell him that he is sentencing himself to death by refusing to move. Tell him trying to move him hurts your back. Tell him if he won't help you change him, you will end up in jail for elder abuse.
Give him an extra pain pill before you ask him to move, or time it for half an hour after he gets the pills. Don't underestimate the depressing effects of pain. See if he can get something extra from his doctor.
I'm so sorry this is happening. This job is so hard.