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- did your mom assign a durable PoA? If so, is that you?
- has she ever had a cognitive exam given by a doctor and recorded in her medical records?
- has she ever been tested for a UTI? (This type of infection can cause demential-like symptoms or make dementia symptoms worse, and is treatable with antibiotics).
- does she have the financial means to go into AL?
It sounds exhausting to live with her, through no actual fault of her own (except her cognitive decline). If she has diagnosed dementia her DPoA can transition her into a care community. If her cognition is bad enough she may need Memory Care. If she doesn't have a lot of financial resources, you can help her apply for Medicaid (which takes about 3 months to know if she's approved). If no one is her PoA and she either is too mentally incapacitated to legally assign someone, or she flat-out refuses then someone will have to pursue guardianship of her so they can legally manage her care. If it's not someone from her family, then the county takes over.
For local facilities you can contact your area's Agency on Aging or this website:
https://www.medicare.gov/nursinghomecompare/search.html?
IN the meantime you could contact your county's social services for a needs assessment and they may be able to provide a little relief through light housekeeping, meal prep and bathroom/hygiene help, but it won't be many hours. I wish you all the best! Let us know how it goes and come with questions as you have them.