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His malfunctioning brain is "filling in" the information and memories he has lost by creating preposterous stories. That doesn't mean he's deliberately lying, but that the void created by the missing information and memories cannot be tolerated by the brain and it will literally make stuff up to "explain" these gaps, even if it makes absolutely no sense.
Please look up CONFABULATION in dementia to see if it matches what you seem to be experiencing.
So to answer your question, yes, they can be spiteful, hateful, lie, vindictive, childish, petty, mean, violent and downright scary. They can also be loving and sweet. Their brain is dying and their behaviors can change on a dime.
Your father may need more care than you can provide. Can you hire home help so he’s not alone or would you consider a facility? Something to start thinking about.
They not only can be spiteful, they can be hateful, cruel, mean, unbending, depressed, anxious, mad, selfish and well--you get the drift.
To some degree, the dementia is just a broken brain. The person is not really able to make decisions and do what's 'right''
Dementia can also be a very sneaky disease in that it takes a person who wasn't so lovely to begin with and as the dementia progresses, the family just kind of shakes their collective heads and go "well, that's mom being mom'. And dementia is not even counted as a factor.
My MIL is the latter category. She was NEVER 'nice' but always had a sharp barb to stick you with when she felt you needed it.
Her kids have been caring for her for quite a long time and the other night I made some off hand comment about her (VERY OBVIOUS) dementia and my DH came right back with the statement that SHE DOES NOT HAVE DEMENTIA.
I looked at him and said "you HAVE to be kidding me? you can't see how she acts, talks, etc. and think it's OK? just the way she is?" He argued that since a Dr had not diagnosed her as such, in their opinions, she was 'fine'.
He has dementia. He may need to go to his healthcare provider if this is a change in behavior, since other things, like a UTI, can make the dementia confusion worse. Understand that he isn't acting deliberately. He has a disease that is slowly blocking his brains connections, and one of the areas of the brain that is affected is the one that lets us remember what we've been doing all day. If he's aware there's an issue with his memory he may be very scared. Sometimes the disease makes it so the person doesn't have the capacity to see that they are struggling, (called anosognosia) and they may resist you trying to tell them what changes you see. It may upset them. If it does, just drop the subject. Along with the memory the disease affects how a person can take in and process information and emotions, so go slow.
If we assume that his behaviors are an effect of the disease and he doesn't recall phoning you, then his behaviors make a lot more sense, don't they?
Then he's not lying, he's genuinely not able to remember those 17 phone calls, and's relying on some scrambled bits of information he can still access to try to piece together what happened. Sometimes those memories are from a long time ago. From what you're describing, he's at the point where he's going to need more help with managing his meds, finances, home, etc. Now might be the time to start looking at a downsize from his home to assisted living places that have memory care. A move now may be easier than farther along in the disease. It's also the time to get the advice of a certified eldercare law attorney (CELA) if you dad doesn't have a power of attorney signed up or a long term financial plan.
This board is excellent, and the alzheimer's assosciation also has a forum and help line:1-800-272-3900
https://alzconnected.org/categories
These helped me... (sorry-you'll have to paste the links):
https://www.smashwords.com/extreader/read/210580/2/understanding-the-dementia-experience/Medium,Arial,Black,White,One-and-a-Half
Tam Cummings assessment tools/AD checklist
https://tala.org/wp-content/uploads/2019/04/Tam-Cummings-LLC-Handouts.pdf
Teepa Snow-10 early: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqmqC-702Yg
5 losses besides memory: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awBm4S9NwJ0
Anosognosia: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nw3YUDQJuY
Talking to a parent: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oiUpztj2DkQ
Stepping Into Dementia’s Reality: Advice From Teepa Snow | Brain Talks | Being Patient: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EOCZInnLQd0
Careblazers-5 mistakes to avoid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rO50pVUOlbE
Stage 4: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=coiZbpyvTNg
Stage 3: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TIkTO4d8YyI
Moderate stage: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6cZTgG6kDjs
Careblazers-How To Convince Someone With Dementia They Need Help: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ncKhXQtnyfI
Talking to a person w/ dementia. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilickabmjww
Teepa-multiple videos: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL2E2lPBsUeBjA1Utglo8q6yANAijEf8cX
This is a very difficult situation as I have not had a close relationship with him and have not spent much time with him over the past 30 years (his choice). There has been no real baseline for me as to what is normal behavior (manipulating and lying) and what is the dementia. I am still learning and accepting that the person he was is not who he is now.
There are so many challenges that the dementia is only one of them.
He currently has no health insurance, is not drawing SS, and has no assets except a semi small settlement he received recently that will run out in about a year based on his current living arrangement.
Fortunately, I have been able to hire an eldercare attorney as well as a wonderful eldercare consultant to take the next steps for his care.
With my mom it isn’t voicemails but it is texts and they can be similar at times to your dad’s voicemails . She has some health issue in the middle of the night and she is dying and needs to see a doctor. Then she is angry that no one cares. Then she gets suicidal or says she just wants to die. This is followed by a note saying she is okay. Then next day if you ask her about it she says: “Oh, I was trying to reach you but I can’t remember why. Everything is fine.” If questioned about the texts she will laugh and say “I did that?”
That is just when she is anxious. However, there are times when she is angry and manipulative, too. She says she will call 911 if we don’t take her to the doctor. We tell her that is a good idea if it is that urgent and then she gets mad. She says she will get a taxi. She never does but there is nothing wrong with her and she is full of it. She faked having a stroke in a restaurant and that got her a 3 day hospital stay during which they found nothing wrong with her except that she has mental problems (anxiety and depression) as well as dementia.
Anyway, yes, this behavior with your dad sounds familiar.
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