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POA can only be conferred upon you by the principal (your mom) who is legally fully competent in making her own decisions.
Now, check your Mom's and Dad's wills. There may be a springing POA in there. There often is with any good attorney making a will. This POA will say that if either Dad or Mom fall ill with incompetency in managing their own care the POA will be able to take over all decisions upon taking care of certain stipulations, which usually include the diagnosis of two doctors that mom is now incapable of managing her own finances.
You will need to take letters attesting to these facts to an attorney and he will create letters testamentary that you are POA. You should also understand your burdens of record keeping thereafter accounting for every penny into and out of assets.
If there is no such springing POA then it is to get guardianship. This is attorney work as the same letters must be put to a judge to create you guardian or conservator for your mom.
Good luck.
Yes, you can get legal docs of the internet and if you are sure there will be no controversy from siblings about the legitimacy of Mom requests and bequests after her passing (but you would be surprised how sweet and loving siblings can become raging loons when it is time to get their "share") then this might suffice for you. I have spent years in the senior health care industry, I was the only child and all of Mom's siblings had already passed. I had her Will, PoA and PoA completed by an attorney. I would suggest if you go this route, to do a bit of price shopping. It was over 10 years ago and I got price ranges from $500 to $1600!! I went with the lower price and believe it or not.... that price was from a certified eldercare attorney.
Some banks will require their own PoA format; it is strictly up to them. Social Security and Medicare generally will not discuss a person's account with anyone else unless the recipient gets on the phone and gives verbal permission each time (how they know I'm not faking an old lady voice, I don't know); I found it easier to have Mom sign the forms making me her payee representative. Never had an issue with them after that.
Good luck on this journey. It's not easy but you have a lot of company.
Hugs
The bar for capacity is pretty low, so no matter what you think about her abilities, you should still take her. Let the attorney assess. If she doesn't meet the standard, then use that appointment to discuss other options, like guardianship.
You are at the beginning of this journey with your Mom. You can ask for help from your siblings but they are not obligated to help and you must accept this. Please read the posts on this forum about caregiver burnout, so that you can think carefully about living with your Mom as her condition gets progressively worse.
If mom is not competent to do this, and an attorney can determine that when they have a conversation, then you may have to become her Guardian. this is a legal proceeding and it does involve a lot of paperwork and it can get expensive.
I hope you know that as a POA or conservator and even as her caregiver, that you do not have to do any of this for free. It is your right to get paid (out of her funds) for all of it. You can also charge her rent for living in your house.
Talk to an elder law attorney. They will tell you everything you need to know and what you are entitled to get as well.
In the four years since this, I have been repeatedly thankful to have all those documents in place. She is now completely incapable of conducting business, but I have a very clear understanding of what she would do if she could do it herself.
Having her legal documents in place was such a kindness to me that we just had our own completed for our kids so even if they wind up caring for us when we are unable, they won't be asked to make any difficult decisions in times of distress.
If an attorney looked over a form and attested to its validity I surely do hope that that attorney also examined the person and did a letter testamentary that the POA is valid, because a lawyer can say whatever they want; we have seen over and over and over again banks laugh at these papers. And that is right on this Forum.
GET AN ATTORNEY.
Yes, it will cost money.
But it will save money as well and it will be legal, and no bank can legally reject it.
I am frequently surprised when lawyers go ahead with wills and other documents (and have them witnessed in their own office) even when the testator possibly isn’t legally competent. Lawyers don’t have in front of them a dementia diagnosis one way or the other, and they certainly can’t make one themselves. They just see whether the testator seems to know what they are signing, that it’s what they want, and that it seems reasonable. Lawyers were writing wills long before doctors were making dementia analyses. Dementia (at least in the early stages) doesn't mean that the person is totally away with the fairies and is confused about everything. If the lawyer could see storms ahead, they wouldn’t do it. You could take the same approach.
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