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i have POA for my dad and not guardianship. He was the same way- resistant to help, and he never wants to see a doctor. He’s fully incontinent and sits in his dirty clothes. I told him if he didn’t allow me or his aide (who just started 3 days a week) to change him, then APS would send him to a NH.
It is a tough situation, but the law states that senior citizens are allowed to make their own decisions no matter how poor their choices may be. You can’t force anyone to live the way you want them to. I had to let go of that idea.....
I figure that if my dad gets an infection because he is sitting in wet clothes, then we will need to address the infection. It is heartbreaking to watch, and I completely understand that you will end up with a lot of laundry, steaming carpets three times a week, cleaning up after the mess, but if this is the way a senior chooses to live, then there’s really nothing you can force them to do unless you have guardianship.
Does anyone have Power of Attorney for her? What concerns me is that since she owns her home, if you do put her in a facility and then need to sell her home and handle other financial obligations, you might run into roadblocks with all this if no one has power of attorney over her. You may need to get guardianship anyway.
I find it somewhat worrisome that you describe her as having “moderate to severe dementia”, then stating that she “won’t take help”, “won’t open the door” “won’t get out of her house” etc.
If the neurologist has given you a written statement about the dementia, you are certainly on solid ground to have her physically removed to a safer environment. Her condition indicates that she is no longer equipped to manage her own welfare.
Who writes checks for her bills, shops for her, addresses household concerns? Does that person have POA?
If you are attempting to find a peaceful resolution to her current circumstances it will tragically most likely not happen. The process of rescuing her may well incite a number of startling behaviors. You will need to make your mantra “safe, human needs met, protected”.
You probably still need someone with Power of Attorney to handle her personal affairs.