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The answer to your question is no. You can’t legally mandate.
However…. If she is cancelling appointments because the doctors office is calling her to confirm the appointment then change the phone number from hers to yours.
Are you the person who takes her to doctor appointments etc? If so, then you need to do that anyway.
An oncologist office called my in-laws office to ask MIL to come back in. They (in-laws) never told SIL who took them to their doctor appointments. She never followed up. The oncologist committed suicide. Several months later, SIL was on a routine appointment with her mom and the doctor said, I was sorry to hear about your moms diagnosis. Turns out she had cancer…from which she died. Not the out of control diabetes no one was helping her manage, not the dementia but the cancer she got no treatment for. Partially because a person who had dementia was still receiving phone calls from the doctors offices. I guarantee you MIL would have said no, she didn’t need the appointment but she would have never picked up the phone and called to say she wanted to cancel. Way beyond her ability.
It’s another thing to refuse to go in once you drive up. would she refuse to get out of the car, to go in? What if she thought the appointment had something to do with your dad? Would she be more likely to go in then?
You can manipulate in a positive way (see Mountain Moose’s post) to get them the help they need. In some cases, perhaps like Katiepaints, the diagnosis is a complete shock, not just “ordinary” dementia, and an early diagnosis may be helpful.
In other cases, it is just confirmation that there is a problem that must be managed. One you are most likely already dealing with. Or, you need it in order to activate the POA? You will need to read your POA to see what powers were given to you and when they become effective.
I am sorry about your dad.
I also wrote a letter describing very specific examples of his memory problems and sleep changes. My niece lives near him and took him to the doctor but I wanted the doctor to know what exactly was happening—I’ve wanted to keep the information and medical load off her as much as possible. My brother wouldn’t have been able to answer any of the doctor’s questions. The doctor spent ten minutes with him and ordered an MRI. It revealed a massive tumor which morphed into glioblastoma.
The POA is so important—it’s open sesame to doctors, hospitals and nursing facilities. Ultimately, after consulting with my niece, I made the decision to place him in hospice. She signed all the paperwork—including a DNR—while I was on speakerphone. Don’t waffle, hesitate or debate getting it. An elder law attorney can be very helpful in putting this together. Our attorney was also used to cancellations when the LO suddenly wasn’t cooperative.
We lost a dear friend last year a month before he turned 65 with the same problem. Huge shock. we knew something was wrong. Thought it was dementia. It happened very quickly. He is blessed to have things in order and all the layers of care.
Wishing him and all of you peace and comfort.
I couldn't talk to my relative's Doctor (as patient not there, won't go, doesn't see problem, & won't sign for me to have permission to discuss yada yada).
So I talked to MY Doctor, who COULD discuss MY problem: Having a relative I was concened about.
She said with these sorts of situations; resistance, lack of insight or denial, it was often a waiting game. Three things she said really stood out that have helped me;
1. Many things are outside of my control. Let them go.
2. People deemed competent (ie everybody not deemed incompetent) have the right to make their own decisions: Good or Bad. She called this *The right to rot*.
3. Sometimes it takes a crises to effect change. No-one can predict the future, but having a plan to speak up when a fall or other event happens may be the chance for change.
I promised my parents that as long as they were competent I wouldn't make any major decisions without going over it with them. Even as dad declined I continued to tell him what I thought was in his best interest until he ended up in SN where he died.
I continue to go over things with mom - Soon I hope to have her in a new facility - I took her to the 2 top picks for her to see. She told me I could have done it without her - but I felt she may want to have a voice in which facility she thought would be best for her. Mom is still competent and can at anytime revoke the current DPOA and appoint someone else her agent.
As far as her docs, I provided most of my parents medical providers with copies of the POAs and was able to call or ask for information. But then I also would accompany them to their appointments (pre-COVID) - because any time I'd ask what the doc told them, I'd get an "I think s/he said ..." So make sure the med providers have a copy.
I doubt this answer helps all that much.
You are going to need to wait until something happens. Seems she is pretty with it if she can cancel appts and know what signing a HIPPA paperworks means. All you can do is keep her Doctor informed of any changes.
So, I am going for guardianship of an individual and am in the same boat. My lawyer hired a neurologist and two phsychiatrists to stay at my home several days to determine competence. That is the backdoor method for evaluations.
I hope things work out in your favor for guardianship. Yes, I never had HIPPA. Just DPOA and guardianship & health care surrogate.
Eventually your Mother's condition will come to a head. You may need to make a wellness check request to APS; they may send your Mom to hospital by Ambulance and help you arrange Social Worker to get you a temporary guardianship which amounts for her or him a simple call to a judge. However, if your Mom is examined and found to be competent in her own care, you will not receive letters to enable you to act in any way contrary to her wishes with your POA.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/legally-force-move-to-assisted-living-155888.htm?utm_source=newsletter&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20210602&key=2238c6e2-bb99-4e17-aa61-60cacddb9fc8&mkt_tok=MzA1LVpYWi00NjYAAAF9a8xSYwijO8AdYZTb0F93wtgzf7iMph1rsGtPKtJnkQbRUen0aWpf4VwSY1toq2iyGJpjWzN0WYPqpdzJ5W3BQVZ4bB9HbUHVVM58S-oe