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My situation is complicated. My dad was a wonderful father. My mother died at rhe age of 46, and she died on my 26th birthday. She was our family glue, and kept things with we three sisters my dad at "peace". My father lost the use of one of his legs when he was in his early 40's, and became very mean , taking out his loss on all of us especially my mother. He turned from being the sweetest most gentle man in the world to a miserable angry man we didn't recognize. He was angry because his loss of control due to his physical loss. My mother understood it, and always backed him when he'd go off on us (not physically) with his meaness explaining how hurt he was inside. However, my mother got the worst of his rage, and after years of it she just couldn't take it anymore. She was toying with the thought of leaving him. Then she got breast cancer at the age of 43. She needed him, and reconnected with him clinging to him out of fear and the need of emotional protection. He became much less angry feeling that he was serving a big purpose again, and was much kinder to all of us. After she passed a huge fift developed with my sisters and I. My youngest sister (10 yrs younger than me) instantly became a very very angry girl. My father was so grief stricken that he was not there emotionally for her. I tried to take her to live with me but she lashed out like a wild animal. What she needed was her father. She changed, and for some reason took the worst of her anger out on me (possibly because I was the elder sister). Prior to that we had been extremely close. My middle sister (2 yrs younger) was a miserable resentful person her whole life. She had poor relationships with both of my parents but they both loved her a lot. Most unfortunately my parents favored me, but never realized they showed it. After my mom died their shared anger brought them together, and they shoved me out of the sister loop. It hurt...a lot, and despite my attempts of trying to get close they kept me out. I was married though and had my own life, and own supports. 5 yrs ago I was divorced with no children and was the obvious choice to move in with him. I wanted to anyway as I had always been close to my dad in a unique way. I was born with bad hip dysplasia, and in braces at 3yrs old for 2 yrs, then a wheelchair for another two. He was my rock. Now that he is so ill and dying his anger has returned. Once again he feels out of control, and knows he's leaving this world. He worry's about all of us, and wants to still protect but he can't. He is dying!!! Because I live with him I am getting pummeled with his verbal abuse, and being treated like a 12 yr old child! I am 52!!!!!!! He tries to control every aspect of my life, and arguments happen. I understand his pain and feelings of helplessness but his mean rants are horrible. Over the last three yrs since he's gotten much worse the two nasty sisters have also gotten much meaner and are now able to do it under the radar. He does not have to deal with them every, and his feelings of not having good past relationships with them is manifesting in his siding with them on everything. They have not helped at all since he's been sick even when I've asked on occasion. They also have rarely visited him. I understand that they are also in deep pain, but again it comes my way. The stress of living in this toxic environment with no emotional support from my family has been living in a hellish prison. I never once considered leaving him until recently when he viciously told me to get out and never come back. I am now considering doing just that, and force my sisters to now do the the care I've been providing these past years. My fear though is that they won't move in, and he cannot be alone. So my friend I hope this rambling diatribe will shed some clarity. He is mean because he has no control over leaving us, and it is hurtung him badly inside. It's just how my dad handles helplessness. Still it's not right, and has really taken it's toll on me. I am completely exhausted...an exhaustion I could never imagine could be. Any constructive suggestions would be helpful. Thank you for caring!!! LOVE TO ALL
Hugs
Baby you're exhausted! Money is tight right now, but one way or another you'll have to develop a support network in which everybody helps each other out. I grew up in western Brazil, not far from you. So I understand how hard it is to eke out a living, avoid burnout, and keep everyone satisfied.
Once the system in place, you'll get some beauty sleep and prevent the embarrassment of nodding off in your partner's arms.
Learn to meditate and you will sleep like a baby....I promise!!!