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Joanne
Show them the med bottles that have more pills left than should be in the bottle because they don't take them. Let them smell the house and the parents. Sometimes children don't really realize how much someone has digressed if they don't spend time around them. Brothers may not agree to move them out of house, but if they are in charge they need to get some in-home care to handle day to day tasks for the parents including the meds.
If both brothers dig their heels in the dirt and fail to respond, then let them know you/your sister are going to be reporting the issue to prevent something bad from happening - and they will be hearing from the authorities who handle it.
There was oil spattered on the ceiling of the kitchen...OMG, can you only imagine how dangerous that must have been. The plumbing in the house was severely compromised, and wasn't working.
At any rate it turned out that my Dad was mid to late stage ALZ, and Mom had mid stage Vascular Dementia. I had to drag them out of the home, and move them into my home. It was a very difficult time. After about 6 months, I was able to get them into a home, albeit it took a bit of coercion.
It took a while for them to adjust, in fact my mom is only just getting fully adjusted to the fact that this is her new home.
You might first want to stop by a place like your local Senior Center and ask a Social Worker there "what would happen if..." and give them a brief summary of the situation. You could also go to your local police department and pose the same question. Just to see what the answer might be.
The reality is....
Probably nothing will happen until some catastrophic event sends one or both of your parents to the hospital.
As in most cases some crisis has to occur before people will react.
(I think for the most part people as a whole are REACTIVE not PROACTIVE)
If there is a way to send a note to your parents doctors giving them a "heads up" as to what might be going on but if you do not have POA for Health or listed on forms as a HIPAA contact then that also may fall on deaf ears.
You as a nurse are a mandatory reporter and as hard as it is to report your own parents, you must do this before there is a tragedy.
Don't involve your brothers, let the authorities involve them. Sometimes it takes drastic measures to get changes implemented.
No one wants to see their parents loose their independence or have to do something that they don't want to, but they can't make reasonable decisions any longer and that endangers them and their neighbors.
I am sorry that you are having to deal with this, but deal you must.
However, while I am no housecleaner, I can attest that HHC told me my house was not the worst they had to visit.
Broaching the subject - do you mean with brothers or parents? In either case, it is likely pointless. Brothers are likely in denial or just can't be bothered. POA gives them the ability to manage finances, and sign paperwork, MPOA gives them ability to discuss medical care, but otherwise nada. Parents are also going to deny they need help (dementia lies to them) and even if they agree, within minutes, hours, next day, inevitably they WILL forget they agreed and you get to start all over.
I would highly suggest you consult with EC atty about getting guardianship. Initial consult should be 30+ minutes free, so have all questions/concerns prepared and take notes! IF they feel this is doable, you may have to cover the cost initially, but if parents have assets, that should cover the costs associated with this. If the parents contest it, the court could order attorneys to represent them. If brothers contest, not sure who would pay their atty, but if you feel your parents are in dire need, this should not be a concern. Guardianship overrules ANY POAs, so you would have control over everything and see to it that they are properly cared for. If you can get this, then there would be no need to broach the subject with anyone - YOU get to decide where they live. POA, not so much. We had all that in place well before we needed to move mom, but the EC atty told us that we could not force mom to move (she refused to consider brothers' offers and AL.) He suggested guardianship, but the facility we had decided on wouldn't do committals, so we had to resort to "trickery" to facilitate the move.
I would find a good EC attys, ask questions, get quotes and then make the rights moves. Brothers can go pound sand.
No easy way but to simply have a family pow wow.. everyone needs to be there or it won't work.
Let the brother (s) know you all can get reported by a neighbor!
By change they have kaiser,they are great. But white down what concerns ..you, & let them know they at least need a caregiver before a burner gets left on or heavens, anything could happen!
Time to be stern.. & don't ask, TELL THEM, they need assistance
Do they know the conditions of your parents' home?
Has your parents' doctor been informed that they are not taking meds as prescribed?
Inform the responsible parties, in writing.
Do not argue, especially not with your parents, if they are unwilling to accept help from others. One of the tragedies of many sorts of dementia is that the patient no longer sees the help they need. The only way to counter this is to step back if you've been propping them up.
You will need to wait for the fall or illness that puts one of them in the hospital.
It's sad, but true of a lot of posters here. You can only control your own actions.
What kind of help are you providing to your parents now? How often do you go over there, and what do you do?
When you say that your brothers control everything, do you mean that they have POA? As the oldest sibling, you weren't considered for POA?
Then decide who will look at appropriate facilities. You can offer if you like or ask them to look as well or do it together.
It’s a matter of safety, personnel hygiene and the situation is becoming too hard to maintain. So, time for a positive change. Your parents will adjust.
I typed personal hygiene.