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1. Search the VA website for benefits for dependents.
2. Contact your local VA; I would start with the Eligibility Department although they may direct you to another division to determine whether or not the individual is qualified. If so, they'll tell you which forms you need to complete.
3. Contact a local American Legion or VFW post and ask where their nearest advocacy post is, if there isn't one in the closest VA hospital or outpatient facility. There are qualification specialists at these "service organizations" who can help you with the process of applying for benefits. They're more familiar with the process and the benefits than most individuals and it's part of their mission to help Vets and their families.
4. Sometimes local congresspeople prepare and disseminate booklets on veterans benefits. The ones I've found do address dependents and related issues.
Good luck; I hope you find something; sounds like you've been a dedicated carer for a long time.