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So I'd ask him how he feels, without sharing how you feel. If he's OK, I'd leave things as they are.
This particular aide has not had adequate training.
Unless it is the groin area that is being cleansed, the groin area should be covered with something as simple as a washcloth. This can even be accomplished while seated on a shower chair .
As far as medications, this should be discussed prior to the aide's visit with the RN or Doctor .
Your feelings are understandable. It is hard to see another caregiver help with showering, it does feel so personal. Because you are uncomfortable with this person and the way they are handling the tasks, I would talk to the manager and see if another caregiver could be assigned. I know there are male caregivers who also help with showers, maybe this would make you feel better. Take care. I know this is extremely difficult time. Thinking of you.
Timing pain relief so that you're as comfortable as possible moving around is just sensible. As an experienced aide she would know that and be confident saying so, and as long as she isn't contradicting or subverting medical routines there is no problem.
The 'doesn't bother me if it doesn't bother you' remark, again, is the mark of a good "let's pretend I'm not here" bathside manner - but it depends on whether your husband meant he *was* uncomfortable and could she please do something about it, or meant he didn't want to make the effort of putting on a robe so could they not bother please; and you can't tell without actually being there.
All that really matters is that your husband is happy with her work, and as long as he is you must turn a blind eye. But until you're confident that he is happy, and that he isn't just not wanting to 'make a fuss', be ready to speak up for him if you think he'd privately like you to.
Passing judgement on someone, anyone, without knowing the whole story, reflects more on the "judge" than on the one being judged.
We all need to be careful that what we say, or write, does not lead to a case of slander or libel. The wonders of Internet, and internet providers, tracking posts etc. means that we have to be very careful with what we say on line, on Facebook etc. because someone, somewhere, has access to what we put on the Internet.
DigitalBanker, I wonder if your words and opinions come from your own experience, something that has caused you deep pain because, after I had expressed my horror about what you had written, my next thought was that there is someone out there in great pain. Of course, it is the business of no one, except except your own. But, if you are carrying all this pain perhaps it is time for you to reach out to someone who would help you to be able to share your pain. (IMO).
By the way, going on what I have read numerous times on this site, it appears to be illegal (in the USA, anyway) to record the words or actions of another without their permission. Perhaps well need to educate ourselves about topics that we may not be fully understandby and certainly before making such a suggestion to another. Follow what Ellen says, be kind to yourselves.
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