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It wasn't that we didn't want to take the time to calm her down; it was that NOTHING calmed her down. And if it did, she became anxious about something else.
When one's brain is broken, one often needs meds to even things out. The meds my mom was on, even after her stroke when she developed vascular dementia, never made her dopey or sleepy; they allowed her to be calm, happy and interactive, most of the time.
In every ALF, ILF or SNF I went into, posted on the walls in multiple places are signs with the state ombudsman's telephone number...it is a resource for the residents to voice their concerns/complaints to. You could try that before you assume the expense of the elder care attorney.
Btw, when I worked the floor in a facility, saw many patients asked to leave the facility because of family members behaviors.
These days I have full time care of my father who has dementia, hallucinations, mania and other assorted health problems from his days in Vietnam handling agent orange...I don't want him to be doped up to the gills like he was when he got out of a Geri psych facility(because he was violent) and was placed in my care. But I'm here with him 24/7 in order to have that happen. Facilities don't have enough staff for patients requiring one on one. Can you take care of your father to make this happen? Or pay someone to?
If my parents was in an emergency situation, I'd sure as shooting want calming meds for them.