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Hi everyone,
I recently moved my dad into a new assisted living facility from his old one. My father is 70 and has some issues with his mobility (uses a cane), memory decline, incontinence, etc. He is also Deaf from birth and has used ASL to communicate his whole life.
I’ve been having some difficulties communicating with the staff at this facility regarding any questions or concerns which has been hard on me since I live 2 hours away. I’m also the only family member in touch with him so I also don’t have anyone in the immediate area who can be consistent with visits/checking in. I understand that staff is busy and I am definitely not expecting them to be able to respond to every question or check in with me frequently, I just haven’t had much luck getting in touch with the in house doctor or nurses about anything. My dad has had a few falls since being there and I havent received any kind of phone call or notification whenever that happens. The first time it happened, it left a huge bruise on his arm and no one checked it out until I came in person and brought it up to the doctor in passing. Today, I missed a call from my dad around 2am that he had fell and called him back around 8:30am to see that he was still on the floor and I had to call the front desk to notify them. It’s been difficult for him to communicate to the nurses because he is deaf, and they offered a option to purchase a pendant for $300 so he could notify someone when needed. Although not perfect, the first place he lived in was really great about reaching out with any concerns or issues, and was great about responding to any questions I had via phone and email. When I reached out to the wellness office about scheduling a care meeting, they responded to my email a month later, when I followed up with someone from the front, they said they don’t use email to communicate, but when I get transferred to the wellness nurse she doesn’t communicate that well and gives me very open-ended responses. I just am feeling both guilt and frustration for not being aware of what’s going on there and the lack of effort to communicate with both me and my father. I would appreciate any suggestions for things I could implement in his room to help him out, as well as any recommendations for getting in touch with the staff and asking for improvements in communication.
Sounds like he needs much more care than an AL can provide.
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Reply to ZippyZee
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My Moms AL did check rooms on 3rd shift. In my State its a law that the contact person be told about any falls. Actually, if the head is involved, they go to the hospital. I was called in the middle of the night because they found Mom fell out of bed.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Sadly, this place does not seem to be a good fit for your dad's needs. I'm sorry for that.

We tend to look at our LO's and think 'they're not that bad'. When the truth may likely be that they are far worse off than we realize.

It sounds as if dad needs more care during the day, more check-ins, more attention. The fact he cannot communicate via speech makes it a bit more challenging.

When my MIL was finally moved to an ALF, the kids were adamant that she was a level 2, maybe 3 with regards to care.

Imagine their shock when they found out she didn't even qualify for the ALF at all! She was a hard '6' which was 2nd level care in the locked in Memory Care facility. They were in the process of moving her to MC when she passed. She never knew she was there. She actually hadn't know she was HOME for the previous 8 months being cared for by the 'kids'.

Fresh eyes on the scene may be required now as you try to get the care for dad that he needs. And the fall pendant? That is almost STANDARD in these homes.

Someone should be checking on him every 2-3 hrs, minimally.

Lack of open communication in a facility is a huge red flag.
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Reply to Midkid58
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My dad's assisted living didn't do much checking on the residents except at standard times - passing out meds, the cleaning lady, stopping by each morning (basically to see if they died in the night!). Assisted living assumes you can still take responsibility for yourself and will ask for help when needed. They did provide the pendant call alert button to each resident and people used them freely - not just for falls, or real issues, but sometimes just to get someone to help them find the TV remote. If you needed additional checks during the day/night you had to increase your care level (at an increased expense). You probably need to talk to the facility to see whether your needs and expectations are in line with what they can provide. His deafness adds a level of complexity, especially with communicating with staff. My dad was blind but no one realized it because he had enough limited sight to get around his apartment but if they left a meal on his table or a note on the door or even moved things around he couldn't see or find them. I really feel for you because dealing with the general needs of our aging parents is hard enough without the extra concerns with his deafness and communication with staff.
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Reply to jkm999
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With the frequency of the falls, the difficulty with communication, the incontinence I think you Dad needs more care and more staff than the average ALF can provide him.
As to the bruising, I am 82. I did a trip and fall on our poorly maintained sidewalks two weeks ago last Saturday and my entire right arm is currently going lovely shades of red, purple, and predominant tanish-yellow. At our age, bruising-R-Us. I wouldn't over worry that, but the balance is now and issue and falling is often the beginning of the end. Once there are broken bones or a bleed in the brain you may be looking at the beginning of the end.

It is difficult to impossible to maintain all of this from where you are and you cannot even give them all an inservice in his hearing devices, and he surely can't at this point either. I am sorry this is such a problem but I think right now you are going to have to make a trip, have an honest discussion with the administration. Sorry all this is happening and wish I had some decent answers for you. Balance in age is a brain thing. Honestly there's little to be done about it, and it is a bad harbinger for the future.
Please visit when you can and see what might be safest care for your dad.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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