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1. We got both sets of parents an American Lifetime clock. It tells the day, the time and even morning, afternoon, evening. It’s in large black and white to make it easier to see. https://www.google.com/search?q=memory+clock&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#idx=Walmart&pie=plar-ti. We got ours at Amazon.
2. We got an 11x14 white board (dry erase) and we update it with the answers to the things they obsess about the most. Like when we moved my MIL to MC we wrote on dad’s board: “
Mom is in a different building 2 houses down so they can help her more and you can get more rest.
2. you can go see her in a few days when she gets settled in.
3. yes, you can afford this. Blair is taking care of all the bills and accounts and he said you are fine financially.
4. She will not be moving back. This is a permanent situation.
5. There is no cure for what she has. She will have good days and bad days.
6. If she says unkind things, it’s not really her, it’s her condition and how it has affected her brain.
7. If you can’t find something, go ask the staff to help you first. They are there, we are not. If you still can’t find it with their help. Write it down on your notepad and we’ll take care of it on Saturday if it’s not an emergency.
8. We know this is hard and we are praying for you and for mom.
we keep it in his room on the wall by his chair so he can refer to it often. We update it as needed depending on the loop 10”. It really has helped.
I bet it will help.
Unfortunately, what you describe is part of having dementia. It takes the patience of a saint to deal with them. I found this aspect of Alzheimer’s especially wearing. I decided to count how many times the same things were said.
She said, “There’s itching powder in my clothes.” 35 times in one day and “I have a terrible headache.” 27 times. Sometimes the same sentence was said a couple of times within a minute.
*It didn’t seem to matter if anyone made a comment or explanation or not, she was still going to say it.
*Distraction (talking about something else or walking around) did not work. She was focused on those two subjects.
*Getting mad did not work. They don’t understand that they are repetitive, so they don’t understand WHY you’re mad.
*IF the dementia isn’t very advanced you may be able to give an answer and they will be satisfied. It helps writing it down where they can see it. This doesn’t work in advanced (late stage 5 and 6) dementia. The mind has lost most comprehension ability.
Could you make a little video on your phone and play it every time the same questions/subjects come up? At least you wouldn’t have to be saying it each time.
Remember, their brains are broken. They can’t help how things are processed and what comes out of their mouths. We aren’t used to communicating with them on this level and it is beyond frustrating.
Don’t get mad at them, just like you wouldn’t get mad at an autistic child for not being able to understand.
Go take your frustrations out somewhere else (sports, walking, reading, yoga, meditation, talking with friends (but watch that you don’t over-do with that), etc.)
There is no answer or solution to this. You can’t avoid it, you must go through it. How you handle it will be for YOUR benefit, not his/hers.
If you have a connection with a higher power, I’d suggest prayer. That helped me.
Possibly join a support group for families of dementia victims. Come back here and vent anytime you need to. We’ve been there and done that.
I’m sorry for you both. You will get through this because you have to. And, this too shall pass.
Blessings to you.
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