By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I do agree about finding a therapist and one who you can trust with whatever you say. There might be support groups too who have suffered similar losses. I just want to say my heart goes out to you. Your son sounds like an American hero.
There's so much I want to say, but I keep back keying and type something else.
I want you to do what you want to do this holiday. The healthiest thing you can think of that will get you through it with the least amount of stress and then make a plan to do that.
Someone said have a plate sent over to your Mom and I think that sounds solid.
hugs from me too. You can do it.
Reading everything you wrote.
Please call your PCP for an immediate referral to a psychiatrist, who can make an immediate assessment of why your husband is very worried for you. And the psychiatrist can refer you to a qualified therapist. Or make an appearance at the nearest emergency room. Actual "therapy" can start after Thanksgiving.
We know our nerves do not "break" in a nervous breakdown. But whatever is happening with you, it can be treated, imo.
Does it help at all that during the holidays, it is very common to have so much added stress, and others are trying to cope also, in your shoes.
1) You can tell your husband to drive you to the ER at any sign that you are not behaving as yourself.
2) You can trust your brother to arrange for your Mom. Doubt very much she will be at your Thanksgiving table this year. Is that okay with you? If your Mom does attend, your brother will take her home.
3) You can make an appearance at your Senior Center, and ask to be contacted by someone you can talk to. I was called back by a care manager. It helped to know that others were in tears after having seen the emergency vehicles and ambulances during a recent community devastating incident. Stress is accumulative. I am letting it out in bits and pieces.
4) Doubt very much that you are "crazy", but it can feel that way as one is headed for "caregiver burnout". Crazy people do not know there is a problem, and therefore do not seek help, imo.
5) Can you pack an overnight bag (don't forget your toothbrush) and come back, tell us your thoughts and imaginings as you pack....
dreaming of an overnight hotel stay? Then, if you are going anywhere, you will be ready and not hesitate. It is rare these days that a person is actually admitted for psychiatric care, but you may need some kind of help......this is the first step for a healthy escape.
Keep talking to us. I think some experienced caregivers on this forum can help you PLAN your escape.
That means a licensed social worker working with life change issues, and expert at it.
You likely already, if you are on this site at all, know my opinion of Saints. They end up shot through with arrows, suffer ugly deathes, and then spend eternity trying to answer the prayers of the rest of us. It isn't a good job option. An expert in this work will help you comb through how to untangle all this. That's after you get through the platitudes of "What plans do you have for having good times" and "What hobbies helps you" and "Have you asked the family for help" and so on. I wish you luck. So sorry for all the pain.
Your brother should talk to her doctor about getting her some medication to help with that.
You, dear lady, should sign up with the first therapist who can see you. You sound as though you have gone to the brink and are hovering there. I've been there, and for far less reason that you have.
I visited a psychiatrist after my second kid was born; she told me, kindly, that she thought I needed to be hospitalized. I laughed at her; I was SO much stronger than she thought.
A day later, I was walking down the street, trying to figure out how to kill myself and my two kids and not leave too much of a mess. I realized that this was not a good place to be and called her. She asked me to come to the hospital, with the baby.
I went home and explained to my husband what was going on; he told me he was much too busy to deal with my nuttiness and to get a grip. I took the subway (and my baby) to my nervous breakdown.
Having spent a couple of day in a psychiatric hospital, having gotten good therapy and good meds, I'm in a much better place, almost 40 years later.
The first step in the one YOU need to take. Again (((((Hugs))))))).
I had a therapist I thought was quite good. But her consistent advice was to put Mom in assisted living. She said Mom was not safe living on her own. True. She said Mom would adjust and she would end up enjoying it. I don't know, because that didn't happen.
I didn't feel that I had the authority to tell Mom what to do, only to decide what I would and wouldn't do. And I was afraid that if Mom yielded to my insistence that she go into assisted living, that everything about it would become my responsibility. Her annoyances with other residents, her distaste for the food and activities, the shortcomings of whatever personal care she received. I was afraid I would be on the hook when the costs went up as her needs increased and Mom's income would not cover the additional charges for additional help. So I pushed back against that suggestion, not because I disagreed, but because I could see it wouldn't work in my/Mom's particular circumstances.
I send you support and my best wishes. With more information, we might be able to offer you more help.
I am glad that this all worked out for you and hope that you will never have to address this issue again. Take care.
Are there caregiver support groups in your area? Can you hire a sitter and take a break? Best wishes to you.
Have you called Council on Aging to speak with them? I received two four hour shifts a month care from them. Not a huge break but better than nothing.
Do you want to share a little more info?