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I have sister who lives out of state and keeps saying she wishes she could help. So one year I took her up on here offer and my mother stayed with her for December. I figury Christmas time would be a safe time. Boy was I wrong, I was reminded that what's meant to happen will happen and I can only try to do my best.
My mother has not lived with my sister since and prob never will. The "I wish I could help" from my sister are just holllow words to help her feel better but I know the truth.
I have never been married so no kids, its just me and my mom and I've learned a ton about caregiving.
To be honest, yeah I feel like I'm being taken advantage of from my sister, but I know I can provide better care.
The problem is finding time for yourself and taking care of your health. I'm struggling with this a lot and feel more overwhelmed than ever before and my health is going down. I want to throw in the towel and just keep driving away but like most people, but I don't because I care and I'm sure you too.
The only advice I have is to consider yourself lucky if family helps, don't forget to take some time for yourself (and I know that's hard at time). And remember, all we can do is try to do our best.
Could you have a family conference saying you are happy to do a certain amount of caregiving, but also need every one else to chip in a certain amount? I myself do not have my own family and my brothers do, so they seem fine to let me do it all. I laid down the law with them. I said I do have more time and flexibility than they do, and as such, am happy to do a lions share of the work. But I cannot do it all and I need them to chip in a certain amount. One brother seemed to take that to heart and has done what he can and the other brother seems not to give a rip, so the effort has helped somewhat.
And now I’m living with her doing full time caregiving and family is far away and unavailable.
My advice is to keep part of your life your own. I work, have a boyfriend and try and have ‘me’ time.
My life has changed dramatically but I’m trying to not dwell on what I’ve lost but what I’ve gained. A close relationship with my grandma that no one else has.
But I still worry I won’t be able to go on vacation for awhile!
I hear you. I, too, felt the same way with my own siblings. I think being the oldest and a people pleaser just made it easy for my siblings to dump everything on me. I know its not easy.
Since my father's passing, I realized how angry and resentful I was about my role and how little they did. Hindsight is 20/20 but I wished I had done things differently. I should have managed my expectations better and sought out more help or looked at different options.
I allowed myself to become burned out, angry, depressed and worst of all indifferent. I feel like I let my dad down in the last year of his life.
Snizzer, please know we are with you. And we hear you. Thinking of you.
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