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Your dad acts like the world revolves around him and, out of habit, so deeply ingrained it's practically congenital, you *agree*. You not only act, you think and feel as though the world revolves around him.
How to put him back into his proper proportion... now there's a question.
A year and a half later she moved to an independent apartment in a continuing care facility. She's been there for three years.This has really helped but she still depends on me for socialization. She chooses not to get involved in activities so of course she's lonely. More GUILT.
When my son comes home from college for a weekend I have her over for a night but not the whole weekend. When all the kids and grandkids are here and she's not it's a whole different dynamic and we need that sometimes. More GUILT.
Luckily my husband has helped me set boundaries. He is very supportive and helps me get through the GUILT. He's getting ready to retire and we want a retirement like my parents had. This can't happen until I get over feeling responsible for my mom's happiness. I'm a work in progress:)
Dad sounds a little too entitled to me. If you pick up the check and dad knows it, I'd lay down some rules "Dad, you get a drink or a dessert, not both. You pick a reasonable entree, not the most expensive. I can't afford it." And there's nothing wrong with you wanting "alone time" with your child.
The roles have reversed now, in effect, YOU are the parent and your dad is the teenager. Start treating him like the thorn in your side that you were to him when the roles were reversed - ha! You can do it with some humor, but the intent is clear. Your house - your rules.
You have every right to alone time with your wife or your wife and daughter. Your dad doesn't have to be included in everything you do. Privacy is still important. If he can't get with the program, you need to find him other living accommodations. I grew up in an Air Force family with a Chief Master Sergeant for a father. I learned from him well, can you tell? But I believe you have every right to feel comfortable and not stressed in your own home.
So I get to sit and stew in my own self imposed stress and he goes along like all is fine. I know it is self inflicted but.....
You did great. I'm glad you had a good time. P.S. I loved Sunnygirl's "we have to treat ourselves in a kind and loving way. Others may fail to do that, so we need to be our own cheerleader."
Sometimes, we have to treat ourselves in a kind and loving way. Others may fail to do that, so we need to be our own cheerleader. I don't see how guilting ourselves really helps. Normally, for a planned family member birthday, I would invite the entire family or at least those who live in the house. But, that might not be ideal, due to certain circumstances.
But, no, I don't feel guilty when going out without my family members, but, my situation is different than yours. But, I agree with Countrymouse, maybe, it's not guilt, but something else on the mind.
Dad was pleasantly occupied.
Dad didn't know he'd missed anything [eye roll].
Daughter had your undivided attention.
You saved yourself $70.
You saved the family any awkward moments with the waiting staff.
You include your father in every conceivable way that has any meaning for him.
Anything you still feel guilty about is unrelated to anything you are doing. Sure it's guilt and not disguised intolerable stress?