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There are 2 people suffering, not just one. If mom collapses from the stress and physical exhaustion of caring for her husband, he goes into managed care paid for by Medicaid ANYWAY. Which IS an option now. For mom to sit down with a Certified Elder Care attorney to discuss Medicaid eligibility to place stepdad into long term care.
In the meanwhile, bring out the Purewick immediately and try that. If that doesnt work, stepdad should be put into a disposable overnight brief and changed once during the night. Mom can watch a YouTube video on the topic. Get Medline Extrasorb chucks on Amazon that hold a gallon of liquid apiece. Those should be placed underneath him with or w/o the Purewick.
Good luck
What about bed sores? Is he being turned every couple of hours or does she have a special bed for him to lay in? I can't imagine that much immobility is good for him. Does she have aides coming in to take care of him?
Since he sleeps most of his day away anyway why isn't your mother looking into facility placement for him?
Your mother may kill herself with all the physical exhaustion and exertion before he passes.
All that work will wear the craegiver out. May be time to seriously consider facility placement. Sorry.
Two extra loads of laundry isn't much. This can get much worse. Urine spilling onto the floor, carpet, chairs that he might sit in - it's smelly. It's a health hazard. Things will need to be repkaced because it's almost impossible to get the odor out.
You are clearly a supportive daughter, but don't jump in and enable his care at home. Encourage mom to find a place where her husband has full-time care by professionals.
Not to mention changing the bedding, changing and cleaning up husband, plus all the other day to day chores and it can overload a person quickly.
You can't just let the stained urine soaked bedding just pile up either because of the smell.
Once you get used to changing a person, an adult in bed it is not as daunting as you think it is.
Or maybe a condom catheter to use at night. Ask your doctor about that.
When you do wash his clothing, you can add vinegar and baking soda to the laundry detergent and it gets rid of any sour smell. This works well for athletic clothing/socks too.
I hope this helped...
If not he should be using them
There are extra absorbent pads that can be placed in them to absorb more urine.
I am curious why she can not wake him to go to the bathroom.
He should be getting moved during that 18 hours of sleep, he should be repositioned at least every 2 hours.
She can also change him while he sleeps.
It can be tricky but it can be done.
Is your stepfather on Hospice?
He would probably qualify.
She would get a Hospital bed that would make changing him and the bed easier.
If he does not try to remove it, or "fiddle" with it there are Condom Catheters that would work.
Your mom should also have help. Getting a caregiver to come in for a few hours a few days a week would help a LOT. The caregiver can do the laundry saving your m om the trips up and down the stairs.
If your dad is a Veteran she may get help from the VA and the VA is now paying spouses to care for the Veteran.
Depending on where and when he swerved he may qualify for a little help or a LOT. So if he is a Veteran check it out. You can contact your local Veterans Assistance Commission.