By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Sibling took remaining parent for 3 days over Christmas for 3 years till they weren’t able to manage the stairs.
But yeah, on call 24/7 re parents and an average day was up 0530 - finish work around 1700 -1800 care till 2300 go home do reports etc bed at 0130 - up at 0530 again... if not alerted earlier that there was an issue with a parent. ...
I was thinking about you last night. If your siblings become willing to work together to coordinate your mom's care, it would be so awesome for your mom to have a doctor in the bunch. I mean this for down the road, with you living your life and pursuing your career and such. I'm not chiming in with your siblings to say, "But you're a doctor!"
Here in the US, anyway, a physician will often speak more easily with a family member who is also a physician, sort of a "professional courtesy". I have known several people with close relatives who are doctors that have had this happen, and I have an elderly friend whose doctor will personally call her son -- he lives hundreds of miles away -- to fill him in on her care. It' quite a perk!
Note, it's been 2+ years since she passed.
Trying to take this on yourself, and a career, is a form of suicide. The rest of the family needs to get involved or you need paid caregivers. Despite what doctor's think, they aren't experts in everything, and most of the decisions you make in this process aren't medical, per se, they are logistical, financial, caring, etc. You have some extra experience because you are in the system but that doesn't justify you taking on all of the work.
Good luck with it.
Im a 65 year old man. Went through caring long distance for parents with no sibs, no help.
whether you’re a man or woman has little to do with the challenges of elder caregiving. It most often falls to the women in the family.
I don’t have an easy answer for you. You mom will get worse through the years. You have no choice but to stand up to your sibs and demand your life. She needs paid caregivers in her home or placed in a facility.
There is is no shame in this. No one, male or female should ever be forced or guilt tripped into giving up a marriage, career and life for caregiving.
but if
husband is caring for his mother, then he is failure as a husband ?" Why are the rules different if it's the man who has the sick parent ? I really wish there were some men here to tell give me some advice on how to balance this.
Sigh...in any case I have made the small step of moving out of my parents' house. I still visit very often, but I make it a point of duty to not spend the night.
Btw, I believe adult children should care for their parents if possible, but I think that "care" can mean involvement in making sure their parents are cared for by someone, somewhere safe. Even that doesn't always work, as some elderly parents won't cooperate.
How can there be anything wrong with refusing to run yourself into the ground in order to provide round-the-clock, hands-on care to a parent? Steeling yourself to stand up to your siblings is the first step in finding a better long-term solution.
From reading your responses, it seems to me that you don't quite believe you have the right to say no to your siblings.
To be frank, I would not marry a man who was taking care of his mother in his home. While I might thing that love can overcome all, I do know that one the blush is off the rose it would be me sitting at home while my doctor husband was off being a doctor, certainly at least one half of the time.
I don't consider it worth argument. I would simply say that I was sorry, but I intended to have a life now, that I was a newly graduated doctor and would be hard at work developing my practice,that I was marrying, and my wife didn't sign up for me and Mom but for me.
I would hope that Mom would have excellent placement in care and visits by the entire family. But no one in the family is required by obligation, by job,by guilt or by anything else to do hands on care. Mom may well and easily live at least another 20 years, just as NY DaughterInLaw says. During that time, you and your wife may actually raise several children. That will be plenty to do right there.
"I often end up arguing with my family, because they expect me to be at Mom's side 24/7..." It does not matter one bit that you are a doctor. Expecting anyone to be a caregiver is wrong. That is a very personal decision - for a man or a woman - and only you can make it.
Your mother's needs will only increase. You may not get to practice medicine, you may lose your fiance, and you may bankrupt your own future if you succumb to the fear, obligation and guilt that is being thrown at you by your siblings, who already have their lives, now don't they?
(Gently) Why could you not ever forgive them? You are allowing their expectations to rule your life.
There is a huge amount of emotional stuff surrounding dealing with family -- even during easy times. This is not an easy time.
What kind of positive answer are you seeking?