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I think encouraging a person to be honest and open up about their loneliness and listening helps too.
This kind of listening is different than being an attentive ear for someone's complaining, negativity, and misery spreading. Don't give that any attention. Let them wallow in it.
I mean listening and encouraging them to talk about their memories and the people they loved.
Many times old people especially ones that have been placed, are content to live in the past rather than looking forward to the future. At their age they know there really isn't any future to look forward to.
What things does your mother enjoy? Does she like to eat out? Or go shopping? Or go to movies?
Sometimes an older person does better with a paid one-on-one companion who takes them out places and spends time with them then they do in group activities.
Would it be possible to hire a private companion a few hours a few hours a week or her?
Getting out of the facility a bit (if she's able to) might be just the thing.
I grew up listening to grandpa’s classical music and grandma’s jazz in their home. They lived harmoniously together.
We are building our lives when we are young. When we grow old, we have lived most of our lives. It’s common for people to remember how things were ‘back in the day.’
I adored when my grandmother would share her stories with me. I loved how she listened to jazz music in the 20’s when others were still listening to classical music.
Jazz was considered to be rebellious at that time. I giggled when she told me about hemlines going shorter and hair being bobbed.
My grandmother was the sweetest person ever but she was always in favor of justice for everyone.
I learned so much from my grandmother’s stories. She didn’t sugarcoat anything! It’s fun to hear about their earlier experiences in life.
Special lamps, a walk, even going for coffee or calling friends, family. Exercise. Escapism reading.
Everybody is affected somewhat with colder, shorter days.
Learning to be alone is different than being lonely.
I am so happy to be on my own, sitting in my sunny den and do reading, then again I like company as well.
But some ideas. If you are a person of Faith do join a church. Best community can be had there, and so many ways to volunteer and be active (if you are able to do so).
My own library has a ton of stuff. Saturday Movies, tech for seniors help, knitting classes and get togethers, and so on. They list them in the monthly bulletin.
You might consider volunteering to visit senior homes. Nursing Homes. ALFs. They have the BEST stories out there.
Ask at your senior centers what they have available and consider a call to your local council on aging.
I wish you lots of luck. If you love thrift shops as I do consider volunteering to stock shelves and etc. Be first to the finds!
Good luck to you
I'm writing something on this but I can tell you, as someone who has had the paradigm flipped on them, being alone in this game can put you into a terrifying position. The elderly person sucks up your life, a life changing illness comes along, and you've got almost nothing. I promise I'll get back to loneliness.
In my case, I have fewer support needs than my father had, or has, but everyone looks at me like "why aren't you paying for services", when he's worth twice what I am.
This is just to make a point, but it must be terrifying for many of the elderly to sit there knowing it's done and all that's left is dying, if they're still conscious of it. The way that feeling comes along, and the other BS that comes with it is awful.
What I'm getting at though, is sitting there, caring for someone, being alone, if so, should be terrifying to you, and to us as a culture. I don't know what the answer is, would I go back and help my father after my mother died or should I have just left, found somewhere fun and lived my life, in peace, away from it all.
I don't know, but now I have a terminable disease, treatable to a point, and I'm still not free of my father.
Is your mother being treated for her depression? If not I would start there.
And if she is already being treated for her depression, her medications may need to be tweaked or changed.
Then like already said just make sure that she's being encouraged to participate in all the many activities most AL have going on year round.
When my mother got married, she threw herself into being a wife and mother. It seemed like she forgot about herself and focused all of her attention on everyone else.
I often think about what their lives were really like. That generation didn’t plan careers as much as our generation did. They became isolated within their own family. Sometimes I think the ‘good old days’ weren’t all they were cracked up to be.
I tried getting my mom to go to the senior center near our house. She wouldn’t go. I even offered to go with her so she could meet new people and make friends. Mom was friendly with my friends that visited but I wanted her to have companions who were her age too.
Some churches have social activities. The Catholic Church isn’t as social. They have become better than they were in the past. Now they have ‘senior citizens groups’ that meet for activities. I don’t think my mom would have joined in though.
Some people are content with their own company and I wouldn’t be concerned about those people. It is very sad for people who crave companionship and for whatever reason they don’t have others in their lives. The same could be said for all age groups.
Older people have to make an effort. Communities have to make an effort too.
Very often I think about how I should volunteer at nearby nursing homes. My children would sing Christmas carols with their preschool at the nursing homes. It was precious. Some of the residents would hug my daughters so tight.
So much of loneliness is due to isolation.
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