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Sorry, I know this is serious but you've got to find humor where you can right?
It was even funnier to me that just this morning, I was wondering if I should move my electronics into the bathroom so I could spend more time in there!
These thought coincidences are popping up all the time.....makes me wonder if there isn't an alternate reality one enters as a caregiver, sort of like the twilight zone. Or, the Hotel California (song), you can check-in, but you can never leave.....mwah ha ha ha...!
My dear Stephanie; it appeared to me that you had doubts about the role you had taken on. You asked for "any advice". It was given to you.
I'm glad you feel so happy and validated in your new role. I hope that your happiness continues. We are always here to give advice, opinions and thoughtful feedback. What we do not do is sugarcoat the journey that many of us are taking in caregiving dementia patients.
Dementia goes one way: downhill. It ends, often, in double incontinence, paranoia and accusations of abuse. We're trying to tell you what might lie ahead. My best wishes to you.
...and you warn someone of the serious dangers as they begin their journey on this same road that you know could be fraught with many hazards...
...if you warn them, are you being "negative?"
I think this is one of the most supportive groups online. We all want what is best for the OP. We all choose to be caregivers, most of us, in spite of the difficulties, but it's not something to be undertaken without at least an acknowledging of the "likely case scenarios." These aren't "worst case," it's quite LIKELY that there will be difficulties, and then some emotional resentment, in the future. When OP runs into the difficulties/problems, she can make up her own mind about how to proceed and go from there.
But as many of us know, caregiving has a way of getting you STUCK in the muddy, winding road.
"Negativity." I wish everyone well. Your caregiving journey is your own. I believe all advice was given from a place of concern.
I'm not trying to be snarky, please don't interpret that way. It's not "negativity," it's CONCERN and probably more than a few of us wishing we could've seen the future when we started our caregiving journey.
Steph, if you take one piece of advice, please get a written caregiving agreement in place. This is your job now. You don't know how long you'll be doing it, and while you are doing it, you need to pay something into Social Security so your own future financial security won't be threatened. I started caregiving at 35. I was strong, relatively fearless, compassionate, and I thought nothing truly bad could happen to me if I was trying to do good for others, right? Super naive of me, I know that now. I was so WRONG. And now I'm 42, trying to put a life back together for myself, no home, no job, few employers want to hire someone who's been out of the workforce for almost 6 years... My relationship of 12 years ended about a year into my caregiving (it was somewhat "on and off" but was very much ON and moving forward when I began caregiving). I couldn't/wouldn't leave my special needs father in a bad situation, I didn't know how to get other help for him, and I paid a steep price for trying to help him. I know now that I could've applied for other types of help, it didn't to have to be me doing the hands on every day, and he wouldn't be worse for it and I wouldn't be having to start over in life. That's not what any loving parent/grandparent would want for us -- to risk our own lives to care for them. There are other options available to you if/when things get too tough.
Good luck to you. Everyone here wishes you well which is why they bother to tell you what has happened to many caregivers. :)
It's YOUR earnings history that will be affected -- your possible Social Security, retirement, etc. You are 30 years old.
Good deal for your husband's family! For you? Not so much.
Are you getting money from Grandma for this job? (Please, please say yes!!! But I suspect you are getting nothing.)
One thing is for sure, I'm not giving up my job and I work a day-job and a small business at night. I plan on hiring a part-time caretaker to see to major chores and her bathing routine. While things are going to change while we care for Mom, I'm going to be steadfast in sticking to my dreams and goals.
It's interesting that you guys moved into her home. I don't mean to sound insensitive but I wonder if that feels like a loss of freedom as the space isn't "yours." We opted to move my Mom into our home and we're helping to sell the house she lived in to cover medical costs and provide future savings.
Best of luck. It's hard to be a new and young caretaker. I'm rooting for us. I'm looking for friends to relate to here. So if any venting/sharing is needed, I hope I can help. =)
Things could be far worse. You could be a whole lot older, or much younger. You are neither, so this caretaking you want to do may not affect you negatively very much. You'll learn and grow wiser one way or another and go on, capiche?
Consider this scenario: You are tired, expect hubs home to relieve you a bit from the caregiving role. He calls, complains of being overwhelmed with gma's decline and needing care. Compassionate person that you are, you generously wish him fun with going out for some beers. He comes home late.
A year later, this has become a habit, and he also requires Saturday mornings off to golf. He starts to like being out more than home with you and gma.
You slip a little on your self care because of the demands of caregiving. You thought you and he were in this together......but he is often out, enjoying his free time, and you have none.
Not a very romantic first few years.
Having anxiety on your part will not, repeat not, help you or her.
Having said that, do try and get other family members to help and do find time to get away from time to time. Sometimes we have to set our supercaretaker capes aside and do something just for ourselves. I don't know your whole situation or why closer, biological members of the family are not doing it, but it is what it is. Hospice nurses are not biological members either, but they care. Yes they are being paid for it, but the money has nothing to do with the care they give. Otherwise they could have picked another profession.
I don't know what state you live in or the laws there, but you may not have to be looked at later as leaving the job market. Is there any way you can have the state pay you for your care? You might have to take a couple classes or something, but then at least you could help your GIL and still be in the job market.
Try to remember that it can be hard not to become bitter sometimes, but we don't have to be if we don't allow it to happen. Look at the love and the caring that has to be involved here. When you look at that person who needs care, remember that you will be old one day and you may need care at some point. Treat that person as you would like to have someone treat you. They are still a person inside there and deserve the love God meant for them to receive.