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If your grandma is cognizant of the fact that you and mom are caregivers so that she can avoid a Long Term Care Facility then she is cognizant enough to be nice to whoever is doing the caregiving. AND she should also be made aware that the two of you can not do this yourselves and that SHE will have to pay for a caregiver to come at minimum a few hours 3 or 4 days a week.
Is grandma on Hospice? If not you might want to discuss this with mom. Hospice can help a LOT and you will have equipment that you need to properly care for grandma. If you need a Hoyer Lift so that you can more easily change the bed, change her Hospice can order it. A hospital bed that will minimize repositioning her because they can order a bed with alternating pressure mattress that will minimize pressure spots. You would have any medications delivered, a CNA would come in a few times a week to bathe grandma and order supplies. And you would have a Nurse that would come every week to check on her and order medications. Hospice also has volunteers that normally come and sit with grandma so you can get a break or run to the store. they can not do "hands on" work but just being there so you can have a break is a great feeling.
And grandma needs to be placed in the appropriate facility ASAP. This situation is not good for anyone involved, and the fact that she doesn't even like any of you, is all the more reason to get her out of your house. Tell your mom that you just can't do this anymore and that it's time for grandma to leave, or you're going to leave.(not a bad idea either). I'm sure your mom doesn't like the situation anymore than you do, but only you guys can make the necessary changes. Good luck.